


Decisions

by NurseGaza



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Angst, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Jealousy, Medical, Nurses & Nursing, Religion, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:54:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 40,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22357501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NurseGaza/pseuds/NurseGaza
Summary: Highschool senior Regina Mills has always dreamed of committing herself to the Lord by becoming a nun. Upon graduation, the process of becoming a Sister commences. Little did she know that she would find love in the most unlikely of places.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 79
Kudos: 223





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> All characters and events in this story are entirely fictional. I do not own these characters. This is an AU meaning I make up all the rules/processes for everything. Keep in mind I am not a professional writer and I do not have a beta. Enjoy.

It is taboo really. Choosing… wanting… to be a nun of all things, in this day in age. However, that is exactly what 18-year-old Regina Mills aimed for. Raised in a moderately catholic household, Regina felt at peace during church services. A peace she never could achieve within her own home or at school.

Her dad Henry, and mom Cora raised their only child more leniently than they themselves were raised. While they were forced to church multiple times a week as children, they always provided Regina with a choice in her attendance and it was only on Sundays. Of course, she always chose to go given the opportunity. Since she reached her teen years, her parents started skipping weekly worship, choosing to instead stay in for a “lazy Sunday”.

Those Sundays where her parents chose to sleep in and stay at home, Regina would dress in her preselected church outfit and walk herself the 3 blocks from her house to the church. Her dark brown locks brushed her shoulders, her beige skirt brushed just below her knees. At 5’2, despite her natural beauty, Regina easily faded into her surroundings by dressing in neutral/ earth toned colors. She sat alone near the middle of the church, at the end of the pew. Although others around her were always cordial, they sensed she preferred to be left to her own devices.

It’s Monday now. While other teenagers were interested only in shopping and talking about boys, Regina took comfort in Psalms. She learned at a young age in the public-school system how to tune out those around her. Currently she is studying her Bible while sitting at a half pre-occupied picnic table on the grounds.

“Look, it’s Sister Regina! Are you still not finished with that book?!” Ally directed to Regina.

“It’s not a ‘book’, it’s THE Bible, I will never be ‘finished’ with it.” Regina answers.

“Okaaaaay… cough nerdalert cough”. Ally obnoxiously lets out whilst laughing with others around her.

Regina ignores the fake coughing filled insult and continues reading, while the others return to their previous conversation about shopping. She has found herself reading the same sentence for the fifth time when she decides it’s time for a break. After placing the bookmark, she returns it to her book bag and looks around from her seat.

She wouldn’t call herself lonely per say. She can easily strike up conversations with others around her. However, at times like these when everyone seems to be grouped up, she finds herself to be alone physically. Individuals act differently from when they are by themselves to when they are around their group of friends, she discovered in middle school. For example, just yesterday during home economics Ally was friendly whilst they were partners for an omelet making lesson. Of course, Ally didn’t have her group of friends around her. Regina is just that girl, not necessarily an outcast but not at the top of the popular list either.

Ally doesn’t mean any harm, Regina thinks to herself. This school didn’t really have “bullying”. Snide, thoughtless, sometimes hurtful comments made in jest sure. But bullying to the extent of making others cry or daily abuse, never. The most bullied person is probably Regina, and she gives it no real mind. The bell rings signaling the end of free period. Everyone in the area stands and gathers their belongings in their rush to get to their 7th period class, including Regina.


	2. Plans

Regina Mills was in the locker-room, dressing into her athletic clothes. The last class of the day for every senior was athletics. Boys had their locker-room on the opposite side of the gym, once their done dressing out, they stay on one side of the basketball court while the girls stay on the other. A bubbling sense of dread settled in her stomach as it typically does around this time. Although she is a young woman with a slim frame, physical strength has never been in her grasp.

“Ladies! Listen up!” the coach yells out. “Tomorrow, instead of dressing out you will all merge together with the boys and stand in alphabetical order according to your last names”.

The girls start whispering excitedly, while the boys coach echoes the girls coach on the opposite side of the court.

“This is graduation practice, even if you don’t plan on attending.” the coach continues, “As for today, group up for warm up. When I blow my whistle, make your way to the track for a 2 mile walk or run. We’re taking it easy today. After you done with the 2 miles, change out and clean out your lockers. You may begin.”

On Friday, Regina found herself with half of the graduating class and their families at the only semi-formal restaurant in town. Graduation went off without a hitch, and she accepted her Salutatorian with a short speech thanking her family, the faculty, and above all else God. Regina, Henry, and Cora were seated near the back of the restaurant enjoying their steak dinners.

Cora began, “How many colleges have you applied to Regina? Have you heard anything yet?”.

Regina swallowed her mouthful, and placed her cutlery down. This is it, she thought. “Mom, Dad… I haven’t applied to any colleges.”

“What?” Her parents reply in unison. Henry continues, “I’ve seen you on the computer looking at programs, and typing in information. What were you doing if not completing applications?”.

“Those were websites with information on how to become a nun… I applied and have been invited to attend an informational open house of sorts.”

Cora put down her cutlery, and took a deep breath. “Mija, have you thought about this truly? This isn’t a job or a career, this is a lifestyle. You can’t just decide to leave when you’re bored of it, God won’t approve.”

Henry looks over to Cora at this. “Honey, times are different. Of course, she can leave if she decides it’s not for her, they can’t hold her against her will. Right mija?”

“Right dad. Mom I know it’s a big decision, I’ve been considering this since I got my laptop (for her 15th birthday).

“You never said anything”. Cora responds, “Why didn’t you tell us? It’s not as if this is bad”.

“I don’t know… I just felt that it would change things. I wasn’t ready to tell either of you. Besides, I still needed to graduate.” Regina responds fiddling with her hands. “I just feel like it’ll change things, that you’ll look and think of me differently.”

“Mija” Henry replies, “How could we look at you differently? You are still our daughter no matter who you marry, including God himself!” Henry scoffs at his own joke.

“Your father is right Regina, although this is a major decision that I wish you would have told us about sooner.”

“I’m sorry mother, but I just wasn’t ready until now.” “Well, when is this meet and greet thing? We can drive you and see what all this entails” Henry questions.

“Next Wednesday, in the next town over… it’s only about 30 miles from the house.” Regina answers.


	3. Tour

Monday arrives with the Mills family making their way into a church’s side building surrounded by other young females, some alone and some with their parents. A nun in full garb is directing where the girls need to be seated, and where the individuals accompanying them can sit. Regina parts from her parents and sits where guided. It’s quiet in the building, the only murmurs coming from the side where her parents are. She looks around at the other girls around her. Most are around her own age she determines, with a few who look to be in their 30s-40s. It seems to be about 15 women in total. The nun who directed them to their seats, closes the entrance doors, and makes her way to the back of the building and stands behind a small podium.

“Good morning all, and welcome. My name is Sister Kay. Let’s begin by bowing our heads in prayer.” Sister Kay leads them in a group prayer. “At this point, you have all submitted your applications to become a member of our community. Today we will provide a little more information that isn’t on our website, and give you a tour of the grounds. Your family may accompany you today.”

The seminar continues with Sister Kay presenting a power point with in depth detail on what becoming a sister entails. Once the presentation is finished, a short Q&A commenced. Now the women are being told to make a single file line and to follow another nun by the name of Sister Monica. Sister Monica leads the tour of the grounds which includes the church, dormitories, classrooms, library, cafeteria, and infirmary.

Along the tour, several other nuns were introduced along with members of faculty and staff that were not nuns. The group was informed that much like hospitals that run with religious affiliations, their staff does not necessarily have to be sisters, pastors, or even a catholic for that matter. This was surprising to most of the group. The last destination of the tour was the infirmary.

“This building is the infirmary. Here is the waiting room, around the corner is the examination room. Down the hall is an overnight stay room which has 4 beds, this is used for monitoring. We have an off-site doctor that visits twice a week, but she remains on call 24/7 and will report if necessary. On site, we have two nurses who rotate between days and nights. The charge nurse who is a registered nurse is on days, while the licensed practical nurse runs the nights.” Sister Monica informs while touring the small medical building.

Regina along with the rest of the group, quietly took in their surroundings. Sister Monica made to step to the back of the building which contained a closed door. Before the entire group could follow, a disruption occurred. The front door from which they entered banged open and someone carrying a large cardboard box struggled inside. The person kicked the door closed, and must have sensed an audience because they stopped moving and twisted to the side to get a look around the large box.

Regina saw long blonde hair pulled into a low ponytail which hung around the shoulder of a tall, green-eyed woman who looked surprised to see the group of people in front of her.

Sister Monica chuckled and stepped toward the green-eyed lady, attempting to help with the box. “You forgot we were giving a tour today, didn’t you?”

The woman let Sister Monica take hold of half of the box, while answering, “I did not forget, I just forgot my box and stepped out to grab it really quick. I basically live here you know, of course you would come by in the 5 minutes I wasn’t here”.

Sister Monica continues to laugh along with the unnamed woman while helping her to the back office with the box. Once the office door was unlocked, the two of them swung the box up onto the desk. The green-eyed lady laughed while dusting off her hands and thanking the sister for her help. She then turned to the group, focusing in on the 15 women who were in the hallway. “Well Sister, aren’t you going to introduce me?”

“This is the day shift nurse who I was referring to earlier, you will all refer to her as Nurse Swan”. Nurse Swan kept the generic smile on her face and lightly bobbed her head once she was introduced. There was an awkward silent moment, before she side-eyed the sister who was smirking at her.

“Aren’t you going to go more into how I’m involved here orrrr…” Nurse Swan asks Sister Monica.

“I believe you are capable of providing that information Nurse, after all you are the medical professional here, not I.” Sister Monica replies with a smirk still firmly planted.

Nurse Swan rolls her eyes with a light smile, and summarizes the services the infirmary provides. During her description, Regina took a closer look at her. Nurse Swan was tall for a woman, Regina would guess she was 5’10. She was dressed in black, fitted scrubs with worn black and white converse. She couldn’t be much older than me, Regina thought. She spoke with her hands, and made a point to look each one of them in their eyes while talking. When her green eyes met Regina’s brown eyes, Regina held her breath. Regina felt like a bucket of cold water was dropped on her. Her palms began to sweat, and her heart sped up. Nurse Swan, oblivious to Regina’s reaction, broke the eye contact and looked over to the others. Once Nurse Swan looked away, Regina looked down and let out the breath she was holding. She only had one thing in her mind, which was what in the world just happened to her?


	4. Thoughts

“So Regina, what did you think?” Cora asks from the front seat on the way home.

Regina recovered completely (physically at least) from the meeting of Nurse Swan. “It’s everything the website stated it was. Like Sister Kay said at the end, all that’s left is to wait for the welcome packet that’ll have our schedules and tell us when to move in.”

“You heard her right, when she said you are not allowed to leave the property during the 1st phase? You will go months without being here at home with us, and we are only allowed to visit Sundays for after mass luncheon.” Henry says, looking into the rear-view mirror to see Regina’s reaction.

Regina considers this. Sure, it’ll be a transition, but this was bound to happen. Instead of leaving for college, it’s this. “Yes dad. I’ll miss home, but this restriction isn’t forever, once I say my vows I’ll have free range to visit as I like.”

The welcoming package arrives a week later. In that week, Nurse Swan entered Regina’s mind on several occasions. Regina never had an interest in anyone like this before. She felt like she needed to know more about the nurse. Which was odd, because she can’t imagine why she would need to. Ripping open the welcoming package, she found several pamphlets with affiliated organizations to volunteer at, her schedule, a map of the grounds, her dormitory number, the menu for the first month of attendance, and a directory of the faculty/staff names and contact numbers. Regina scanned the last list quickly, searching for the nurse. There she was, in the S’s; Swan, Emma RN, BSN – Onsite medical services- (605) 475-6968. Regina felt a rush of exhilaration. She had her phone number, she wondered if this was a personal number or the office number. She shook her head. What did it matter, it’s not like she would ever have a reason to call it. She continued reading through the package.

“Regina honey, is that it?” Cora enters the kitchen glancing at the papers scattered across the counter.

“Yes mom, it’s everything. They gave a list of supplies needed upon move-in day, and the dress code. When can we go to town?” Regina asks.

“Now if you wish” Cora replies, “I also need a few things from the store, best to go now so we can be back before your father gets home from work”.

The two of them go shopping to purchase the necessary supplies. The dress code allows for conservative length beige skirts and/or pants, white short sleeved polo shirts, white only undergarments, and white only shoes. The list states to leave all jewelry behind, and to remove all nail polish/ accessories before move in. Regina and Cora unload the car while Henry pulls up.

“What’s all this” Henry asks.

“The welcoming package came in today, it had a list of things I would need so we went to get everything. Should I start packing and loading the car now?”

“No mija, we haven’t decided which car to take that day yet. Henry replies, just have everything ready and we can load up the morning of, it shouldn’t be to much anyway”.

Regina nods and takes her things to her room. She wondered how the school outfit would look on her. She changes into the clothes and looks in the mirror. The polo shirt makes her look a bit frumpy she decides. Regina never put much thought into how she looked, but at this moment she considered what other would think looking at her. She wonders what Nurse Swan thought of when she looked at her that day. Regina catches her mind wandering and undresses. Packing her bag was quick. Now all she had to do was wait for this upcoming Saturday.

Saturday found the Mills family pulling up to the dormitories. A couple of families were already unloading and walking up the steps into the building. Regina grabbed her backpack, while her mother and father each took a duffel bag out of the trunk. They made their way into the dormitory. The ground floor contained a common room area, with a fireplace, several places to sit, a couple of vending machines, and several bookcases. The bookcases contained a moderate number of books, puzzles, and board games. Regina looked at her parents, before separating from them to ask where she could find her room. The nun she approached was holding a clipboard, and directing others which floor/hall to go to.

“Miss Mills you will be with the other candidates on the 2nd floor, you brought your dorm number with you yes?” the unnamed nun asked.

“Yes ma’am”, Regina replies pushing the paper into the nuns site.

“Yes. see here” the nun points to the numbers 1-08 “That means you are in the 1st hall, in room 8. You’re the lucky one who gets a room all to herself. Rooms 1-7 are filled with two to a room. “

Regina is relieved to hear this, they were informed that roommates where required, but she knew her class had an odd number. She nodded, and thanked the nun. She returned to her parents and they followed her to the room. Cora helped Regina unpack and store away her belongings while Henry looked out the small window between the two twin sized beds.

“Well at least you don’t have to have a roommate, right dear?” Henry asks. “And you can use the extra bed for whatever you like, setting out your clothes like you like, and even jumping.

“Dad, I don’t think jumping on beds is appropriate here; don’t you agree?” Regina comments fondly.

As her parents fuss with some last-minute touches, it hits her. She is actually doing this. Her parents finish fussing and stand near the doorway. The family says their goodbyes, and leave Regina in the dorm. Regina steps up to the window to watch the car pull away. From her room, she had a great view of the parking lot. Most of the cars from this morning had already left. Today was a free day, so everyone could get settled. Her stomach began to gurgle, in need of dinner. She looked at the cafeteria schedule and menu which she had posted above her desk. The cafeteria was the next building over, and it was about to be dinner time. Dinner is at 6:30, it is currently 6:15 when Regina is making her way down the path towards the cafeteria. She hears a door opening, and looks towards the sound. Across the way, coming out of the infirmary is Nurse Swan.


	5. Hi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who left comments and kudos, I appreciate it.

Nurse Swan appears preoccupied, shuffling through some paperwork while walking in the direction of the cafeteria. Regina had stopped in her tracks to watch her, her pulse quickening at the site. Nurse Swan was dressed the same as the first time she met her. Regina snapped out of her thoughts and continued her way. Their paths were going to merge, Regina calculated. Regina kept her eyes lowered and kept the nurse in her peripheral vision. Nurse Swan’s legs were long, so even though Regina was closer to the cafeteria it appeared that she would beat her to it. Sure enough, Nurse Swan reached the double doors and suddenly looked up from her distraction to look directly at Regina. She shuffled her papers into her left hand, and with her right opened one of the doors offering Regina an easy-going smile. Regina’s eyes darted down again and she quickened her pace. Once she was about to cross through the open door, Regina offered the nurse a shy smile and quietly thanked her. Nurse Swan didn’t respond, just made her own way through the door, and went to the far side of the cafeteria.

Regina grabbed a tray and stood in the small line that was gradually growing for the hot meal option. She kept throwing glances at the nurse, watching her awkwardly make a salad from the salad bar by switching her work from one arm to the other. Although she was across the way, and paying no mind to anyone around her, Regina felt odd looking at her. She never let her gaze linger to long on the nurse. It’s not like she thought she was doing anything wrong. But it was physically difficult to keep looking at the nurse. As the line moved forward, the fleeting thought that Nurse Swan was the most beautiful woman she’s ever seen, ran through her mind.

After Regina received her hot meal, she stood in front of the tables and booths looking for a place to sit. While looking, she unconsciously was looking for a blonde ponytail. She didn’t see the nurse, and while she was determining where to sit a girl sitting in a small group waved her down.

“Hey there, you can come sit with us if you want. Since we’re all the new ones we might as well stick together.” A young girl who had a pixie cut with thick rimmed glasses called to her.

Regina made her way to the group, and sat down at the closest empty seat. “Thank you, I’m Regina Mills.”

The girl who called her over responded, “My name is Candice”.

“My name is Gabrielle but I go by Gabbi.” An older girl, probably in her 20s, offered. Gabbi appeared to Regina to be of latin decent. Her skin lightly darker than the others in the group, with long nearly black hair neatly brushed and laying across her right shoulder.

“I’m Rebecca” A girl whose age was difficult to gauge, told Regina. Rebecca was blonde haired, blue eyed, plain looking. Regina found it odd that suddenly she was taking everyone’s looks into consideration. She supposed that because she grew up with everyone throughout grade school, she never gave their looks much thought. This was just the process of meeting new people, she determined. Regina smiled and nodded to each of them after they introduced themselves and began to set up her tray.

“I hear you’re the lucky one who got her own room.” Candice says.

Regina nodded her head while chewing her first bite. The others didn’t go on about that, instead switching the topic to compare schedules. Since they were all in the candidacy phase, their schedules were all the same. Regina looked around the cafeteria, there were other groups here and there. Some with girls dressed casually, others had changed into the dress code approved garments. Regina noticed two long tables on the side of the salad bar where older nuns dressed in their full habits sat. Those must be the faculty/staff tables she thought. She wondered where Nurse Swan took her meal, since she was not at these tables either.

“So, Regina” Gabbi begins, “how old are you?”.

“I’m 18, how about you all?” Regina replies.

Gabbi answers for the group. “I’m 21, Candice is 18 also, and Rebecca here is 24.” Regina nods her head taking in the information. Gabbi continues, “There’s a couple more 18 yr olds in the class, I hear the oldest one we have is 40. I really thought she would be the one to get the room to herself.”

Regina doesn’t know how to respond. She should have figured her getting the lone room would cause some murmurs but she didn’t pay it much mind given where they were all at. The girls continue talking about the other girls and what to expect tomorrow. By the end of the meal the group of girls including Regina agreed to all wear their dress code to tomorrow’s church service. Officially nothing started until Monday, but they figured it would be best to get use to everything.

The girls all make their way back to the dormitories together. When they enter the building, they see that others are seated throughout the area. Some are sitting around the fire, reading. Others are making use of the puzzles and board games. Rebecca follows Candice to an empty space next to the fireplace. Regina stands off to the side of the entrance, determining whether to follow them or head up to her room like she originally planned. She looks over to Gabbi whose eyebrows shot up at what she saw across the room. Regina followed her line of sight to see Nurse Swan seated in an armchair in the corner of the room, reading. Gabbi smiled and made her way to the nurse. Regina stayed rooted to her spot, eyes alternating between Gabbi’s back and the nurse.

Gabbi stopped right in front of the nurse’s armchair, and said something Regina couldn’t hear. The nurse smiled while still looking down at her book, and playfully kicked her foot out, hitting Gabbi in the shin. Regina felt like her blood suddenly ran hot. Nurse Swan and Gabbi were laughing and began to talk. Regina wanted to hear their conversation. She milled around, casually getting closer to the pair. Once she was within earshot, she stopped and pretended to browse the books on the nearest shelf. She heard Gabbi first.

“Why are you sitting down here for? Don’t you have an awesome room with a view all to yourself on the top floor?”

“Yeah, I do but it’s a bit to quiet up there. I like to read with background noise, the top floor is pretty strict about volume. How are you getting on?”

“Ok I guess, I’ve met all of my class. They all seem pretty quiet and to themselves.”

“Unlike you who is loud and tries to be in everyone else’s business?” Nurse Swan jokes.

Gabbi scoffs, “Shut it Emma”.

Regina holds her breath. Emma. Gabbi called her Emma instead of Nurse Swan like they were all told to do. She finds herself extremely curious about how the two know each other.

“Well it seems like you made some friends, I saw the group you came in with.” The nurse says.

“Yeah, their ok we just met at dinner.” Gabbi responds, looking around the room. Her eyes land on Regina, who was closest to them. “Regina come over here.”

Regina looks up at Gabbi, then she glances at Nurse Swan. Nurse Swan is looking at her with an expectant look. Regina steps closer, stopping to stand by Gabbi in front of the nurse. Regina provides a shy smile while Gabbi speaks up. “This is Regina Mills, she’s the one who got a room to herself. Regina this is Emma Swan, remember we met her on the tour? She’s the day nurse. We know each other from back home.” Regina had kept maintained eye contact with Nurse Swan throughout Gabbi’s introductions, while the nurse’s eyes moved between Gabbi and Regina. Once Gabbi stopped talking, Nurse Swan’s eyes focused on Regina’s.

“Hi” the nurse offered Regina, with a dimpled smile.


	6. I Volunteer

“Hi” Regina responded, somewhat dumbfounded. Her hand shot out of its own accord, a lifetime habit.

Nurse Swan glanced at the offered hand, put her book in her lap and grasped Regina’s hand for a short gentle handshake. “How are you getting on here? Gabbi can make herself home in any situation, but I know for others it can be a bit of a transition.” The nurse asked Regina.

Regina took a moment to answer. She couldn’t believe the nurse was having a casual conversation with her. “Uhh it’s going great so far, everyone seems nice.” She replied nervously.

The nurse nodded her head, not knowing how to continue. She glanced between Regina and Gabbi, waiting for someone to jump in. When nobody did break the silence, she bookmarked her book, and stood up. “Well ladies, it is getting a little late. I have an early morning ahead of me. Goodnight.” Nurse Swan nodded to each girl and headed to the stairs.

“She’s kind of socially awkward,” Gabbi explained “I’m not being mean, everyone back at home was surprised she became a nurse. She was never one to make conversations or comfort people. But she is pretty cool.”

“How old is she?” Regina asked.

“She’s 25, the same age as my older sister Ava who happens to be her best friend. I’m going up to, I’m not use to waking up to early, better get a head start. Goodnight, make sure you come sit with us tomorrow at mass.

Regina said her goodnight, and went to her dorm. After preparing for bed she laid her head down and tried to sleep. Once again thoughts of the nurse filled her mind. She noticed she was still dressed in her scrubs off duty, relaxing in the common area. She wondered if that was her dress code of sorts, since she stayed in the dormitory as well. Regina found it odd, that the nurse was sleeping under the same roof as her, just different floors and rooms. Regina fell asleep wondering how often she would see the nurse around the grounds.

Sunday mass came and went without incident. Students sat on one side, while the faculty and staff who attended sat at the other. Regina looked around for the nurse, but didn’t see her in the crowd.

While everyone was having lunch in the cafeteria, Regina noticed a woman walk through the entrance and make her way to the hot line. She was dressed in the same black scrubs as Nurse Swan, however her’s were looser and she wore what appeared to be crocs. Regina watched her get two to-go plates of food and head back out. Gabbi must have caught her stare because she spoke up.

“That’s Nurse Sullivan. She’s the night shift nurse, they switch shifts every 12 hours at 6. I don’t know anything else about her, I just saw on the directory she was the only other nurse besides Emma.”. Gabbi informs.

“Hmm.” Regina replied. That was why she didn’t see Nurse Swan at mass. She remembered again that she works solely on days, the second plate was most likely Nurse Swan’s she concluded. Regina found it sort of irked her that Gabbi kept referring to Nurse Swan as Emma. When she attempted to determine why it was bothering her, she figured it was because they were all clearly told to refer to her as Nurse Swan.

Since move-in only just occurred, family luncheon starts the following Sunday. After lunch, it was free time once again. Sister Monica stepped into the common area and called for everyone’s attention.

“Ladies, in my hands I have a list of places around the town, and some on ground that need volunteers. This is required, and will be applicable to you community services credit. The list can be found on the bulletin near the entrance, please spread the word. Those found to have not signed up will be placed. There are limited spots on campus so if there are more than one volunteer, it’ll be up to the faculty who preside over the area.” Sister Monica thumb-tacked the list onto the board, and went back upstairs.

Regina looked around the room, and saw everyone go back to what they had been doing before the interruption. Regina decided to take a look at the list. The first page was filled of off-site community services. The second page contained services available on grounds. The library needed readers for a community read-aloud they held. The cafeteria needed food packers to deliver extra food to the poor/needy. While scanning, Regina’s eyes ran across the infirmary description. She gripped the paper tighter and looked closer. The infirmary is needing a volunteer to clean, inventory, stock, and provide stay-overs with company when needed. Regina became excited at the possibility of working alongside Nurse Swan. She didn’t know why she felt this way, she barely spoke to her. But something about the nurse led her to believe they could be the best of friends. Regina quickly grabbed a pen, and signed her name for the infirmary position. She hoped no one else would volunteer, but realized Gabbi would most likely go for the position since she knew the nurse personally.

Later that night after a day spent re-organizing her room, packing her class bag, and studying scripture; Regina returned to the common area to review the sign-up list. The list contained a lot of names, it seems that just about all the candidates had signed up. Regina noted that most of them volunteered for the off-campus positions, including Gabbi. No one had signed below Regina, for which she was grateful.

“Regina!” Candice called, walking up to the bulletin board. “Why did you sign up for an on-site position? Haven’t you heard that off-site positions have days where they stop at a local store and allow for a quick shopping session before returning to the grounds? “She looked at Regina questioningly.

“I did not know that. But that isn’t important, I have everything I need. Anything I might need in the future my parents can bring me on their visits.” Regina responded.

Candice shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t neeeed anything either, but it’ll be nice to be in town I think. Oh well, thought you ought to know. I saw you signed up for the medical spot, can’t imagine why?”

Regina looked up at Candice to see her expression. Candice seemed genuinely curious. “I’ve always been interested in the medical field. There are Sisters who go on to nursing school you know. This could be my foot in the door.” Regina easily lied. She never gave much thought into being a nurse.

Candice nodded her head, seemingly finding the provided reason sound. It was nearing 8pm, and curfew was 9. Only a few girls sat around the fireplace. Regina decided to return to her room and retire early. She bid Candice a goodnight. Regina settled into bed imagining working in the infirmary alongside Nurse Swan. The description didn’t mention the hours or days. She fell asleep hoping and praying she got it, and that it was a daily position.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two-three full pages on word = a short chapter on AOOO...


	7. Day One

The first day of candidacy, many introductions were made. Regina learned the name of all 14 girls in their class, and their reasons for enrolling. Regina was made to reflect on her own reasoning. It seemed that most, if not all of the girls had strong reasons for becoming a nun. At first, Regina was determined to explain her reasoning; which was that she felt a calling to commit herself to Christ and help others through His name. However, the calling she had compared to what the others described, didn’t feel sufficient to her. The others went into shocking detail of the troubles, injustices, and epiphanies that they experienced.

Regina had seen Sisters in her church classes, and around the community. They were always involved in community events, teaching, and helping those in need. She had aspired to be what she saw. She had an extremely normal childhood, bland compared to what the others described. Regina blushed at some of the things these women said. When it came time for her introduction, Regina kept her eyes lowered and mumbled her name.

“Miss Mills will you please speak up?” one of the Sisters asked her.

“My name is Regina Mills.” Regina repeated, “I decided to become a nun because I wanted to help others”. Regina looked around and saw the others were waiting for her to continue.

“There are plenty of ways to help others without becoming a nun dear.” The sister stated. “Did you have a calling from God? Did something in your life draw you to being a nun?”

Regina looked around and remained silent. In an attempt to spare Regina, the Sister continued on by explaining no matter what everyone’s reasons are, they were all here because God has willed it. The morning lessons continued without incident, and by lunch everyone was merrily talking and eating together having learned more about each other. Regina joined in on the conversations but still had a feeling of inadequacy.

“May I have everyone’s attention please?” Sister Kay called out in front of the candidate’s table. “It appears no one double signed up on a position so whichever position you signed up for, you got”.

After the morning she had, Regina had forgotten about the volunteer sheet. Hearing that she will be working in the infirmary, she couldn’t help but break into a smile. Others around her were also smiling, and discussing their positions.

“On Saturday report to you designated area first thing, those who will be transported off site report to the cafeteria. Your hours will be provided by your supervising staff when you meet with them.” Sister Kay informed before she left the girls to continue their meals.

After lunch, individual meetings with the head minister occurred. The girls were encouraged to pray and reflect in the chapel while awaiting their turn. Regina’s meeting with the minister went quickly. She explained why she was here once again, but unlike earlier the minister took her reason without question. He asked how she liked it so far to which she replied everything was going great. He wrote her answers and dismissed her with no further questions.

The minister appeared to Regina as a serious man. He was younger than she expected, she would guess late 50s or early 60s. His glasses sat perched near the tip of his nose, and his hair was almost entirely white. His office was a little cluttered, with two guest seats.

Studies continued, and the day ended at 5. The candidates were encouraged to study their required readings, and complete work assigned to them from the earlier classes. Regina decided to visit the library, hoping it was quieter than the common area. Upon entering, the librarian Regina remembered from the tour came up to her. She was one of the younger nuns and she was dressed in a light blue habit.

“Anything I can help you with?” The young nun asked Regina. “No thank you, just looking for a quiet place to complete my assignments from the day.”

The nun nodded, and gestured to the sitting areas that were available. “I’m Sister Belle, if you need anything I’ll be around.”

Regina returned her nod, and made way to a small table in the far corner of the library. None of the inhabitants of the library were from her class, Regina noted as she looked around. They were dressed in beige dresses, Regina recognized the garb which marked them as novitiates. They had completed the candidacy phase which Regina was in, and were novice nuns who haven’t taken their vows.

They seemed a serious group. Regina contributed their full dress and reserved appearance to their status. The candidacy phase lasts two years, meaning the novices were truly committed to their future profession.

Regina easily made her way through her work. When she stopped to give her neck a break from looking down, she noticed movement outside of the window she was sitting next to. She noticed the infirmary can be seen from the corner of the window. Nurse Swan was walking out, with a messenger bag thrown over her shoulder. It must be a little after 6, Regina thought to herself. She wondered if Nurse Swan had already been made aware of who her volunteer was. Regina watched the nurse as she walked past the library, and surprisingly past the cafeteria. Regina figured she must have had either an early dinner, or something up in her room.

Having completed her work, Regina gathered her things and headed back to her dorm. Apart from project partners in school, Regina rarely engaged in casual/friendly conversations. Her best friends were her parents. She considered other girls her age at her church as friends in her childhood, but grew to discover she didn’t really know them enough to call them friend. It never bothered her, until now. Now, that she felt this want… need, to make a friend in Nurse Swan.

The rest of the week flew by for Regina. The week contained a lot of self-reflection, the girls were constantly encouraged to reflect on their reasoning’s for choosing this life. They were also informed of the benefits the order offered; such as: student loan forgiveness, free room and board on grounds, amongst the spiritual benefits. They were also regularly reminded that the candidacy phase will incorporate transitioning from the “real” world, into life in the convent.

Not much of what Regina learned was news to her. She understood from the beginning that becoming a nun would not be as easy as putting on a habit. She calculated that it would take her approximately 8 years to take her final vows.

Instead of sleeping in on Saturday, which use to be the only day Regina could, her alarm went off at the same time it did all week. She dressed in her plain clothes, deciding to wear her skirt instead of the pants today. Unlike the other mornings, Regina looked closely at her reflection. She wore no makeup, although it wasn’t against the dress code it seemed odd to be “vain” considering what her intended vows would involve. She settled her small gold cross over her polo, and made her way to the infirmary.

Standing at the entrance of the medical building, Regina hesitated before grabbing the door handle. She looked around her, and ran her fingers through her hair to ensure no wisps had strayed. She briefly considered knocking, but decided against it since she recalled the door led only to the front room, not an office. She placed her hand on the door handle, when her heart started beating faster. She took a deep breath in an attempt to control her sudden nerves. This is ridiculous, Regina thought. A sense of anticipation and dread settled in her stomach, and Regina considered just returning to her dorm and asking for a re-assignment. Before she could push the handle, the door was pulled open and Regina was yanked along with it.

Nurse Swan held the door, with a surprised expression on her face. “I thought I heard someone step up to the door.” She explained.

Regina stood upright, and ran her hands down her clothes to flatten any wrinkles. She looked to Nurse Swan, noting she was dressed in what is now her trademark black scrubs and converse.

“I’m sorry, I pulled you there, didn’t I?” Nurse Swan asks in a concerned voice, watching Regina settle herself.

“I’m fine.” Regina abruptly replied, with a light blush creeping into her cheeks.

“You are Regina Mills the volunteer, I met you the other day. Gabbi’s friend, remember?” Nurse Swan asks.

“Yes ma’am.” Regina answered, the two still standing at the entrance with the door ajar.

The nurse must have realized their positions, “Sorry, please come in.” She offered, waving Regina through. Once they were in the building, they stood awkwardly in the waiting area.

“We can talk in my office.” Nurse Swan stated, making her way to the back office. The guest chairs in front of her desk are cluttered, so she attempts to grab the stray papers and stack them on a nearby cabinet. “Sorry, haven’t gotten organized yet.”

Regina offers a small polite smile in understanding.

“Please take a seat.” The nurse offers, taking her own seat behind her desk.

Regina sits back into the offered chair, looking around the office as the nurse shuffles through some files on her desk. There is a window, off to the side of the desk with a view of the woods surrounding the grounds. The opposite wall to the other side of the desk contains shelves of books. The nurse clears her throat, and Regina returns her attention to her.

“Umm… well, I’m Emma Swan… but you already knew that... I know the sisters asked you all to refer to the faculty according to their titles, but I’d prefer you to call me Emma especially sense we’ll be working together.” Emma watches Regina to gauge her reaction.

Regina keeps her face controlled, even though she felt thrilled at the prospect of being on a first name basis.

“It would just be tedious, I think, to keep calling me nurse”. Emma offers in explanation, scratching the corner of a paper with her nail.

“Emma, it is then.” Regina offered, sensing her unease. At saying her name aloud, Regina felt peculiar. It almost felt wrong, which she knew was absurd. It is just a name.

Emma stopped fiddling with the paper, and refocused on what was in front of her. “Well Miss. Mills, your days here at the infirmary will be Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday. Those are the typical volunteer days, most of you class will most likely have those days to.” Emma explained.

Regina nodded her understanding, but didn’t say anything.

Emma continued, “The hours are negotiable. I’ll most likely just have tasks that need to be done, once they are you can choose to hang around or head back to your dorm. If the night nurse needs anything done or prepared, she’ll make a list for me to pass on to you.”

Regina was about to interrupt here, she understood that a certain amount of hour per week were required.

Before she could, Emma continued. “I know you need to meet your hours, I’ll sign off that hours have been met. The minister understands it can get a little slow here, but also extremely busy. In the event something occurs, and we need an extra set of hands you would be expected to report, no matter if the day or hour. Is that something that would be a problem for you?”

“No ma’am, I understand and I don’t see that being an issue for me.” Regina supplies.

“That’s great.” Emma smiles and nods. “The off-campus bus typically leaves after the group has had lunch, so you can report here then. Typically, you would work 3 to 4 hours each of these days, but like I said, we’ll play it by ear.”

Regina nods, wishing she had brought something to write this information down with. Emma must have sensed this, because she offered Regina the page she was reading from. The page had the days and times outlined, along with tasks available for her.

“You can keep that.” Emma spoke up.

Regina looked to Emma, and offered her a smile and nod in thanks. An awkward silence between the two settled. Regina thought back to what Gabbi had said, about Emma being socially awkward. She wonders now if she had just been joking with her. Emma seemed perfectly capable of offering polite, informative conversation. Or, Regina supposed Gabbi wasn’t aware of just how socially awkward she could be.

While Regina mulled this over, Emma cleared her throat. “We can head back to the front, to get started. Unless you have any questions?” She offered.

Regina didn’t want their conversation (if you can call it that) to end just yet. She realized she hadn’t been offering Emma anything, in ways to continue the conversation. Unlike the sisters or the others in her class, Emma gave off the impression that she was open to casual conversation unrelated to the ministry. “Gabbi mentioned you knew each other before here?” Regina asks tentatively, hoping Emma would continue speaking with her.

Emma quirked her head to the side, seemingly taken off guard. “Yes, that’s right, her sister is a close friend.” Emma offers, lightly nodding with a small smile in place. “What else has Gabbi said, she’s a bit of a nutter so I wouldn’t believe everything she’s said.” Emma continues with a widening smile.

Regina mirrored her large smile, “Only that, that you and her older sister were best friends. She’s alright, she hasn’t said anything to unbelievable yet.”

Emma lets out a scoff, sitting back in her chair lightly bobbing back and forth. “Yeah, she’s alright, it was a surprise to hear from Ava, her sister that is, that she was joining the order. Ava asked me to keep an eye out for her.” Emma stopped bobbing, and her smile dropped a bit. “A lot of girls leave the ministry in this phase. I told Gabbi to let me know if I can help her in any way, I want you to know this applies to you to.”

Regina didn’t know how to react, so she smiled and nodded her understanding.

“Right, well let’s get started.” Emma stood, and walked around her desk to the door with Regina right on her heels.


	8. Work

After a quick more detailed tour of the medical building, Emma asked Regina to begin by simply dusting and sweeping the area. Emma then returned to her office, typing away on her computer.

Regina took what she needed from the supply closet, and got to work. With the reaching and squatting that was involved, she had wished she opted for the pants instead of the skirt. During her cleaning, she thought about their conversation.

She didn’t consider Emma awkward necessarily, the silence that occurred during their interactions came about in a natural way. Emma did seem kind of closed off, she considered. Although, the short conversation could be in part to her not knowing her. She needed to think on how she could get closer to Emma, so their friendship could commence.

After she was done, Regina returned the supplies to the closet and made her way back to Emma’s office. Emma left the door open, so as she was walking down the hall she could see her sitting at the desk. Regina slowed her steps and watched how she unfastened her hair tie to let her hair loose. Regina stopped in her tracks as Emma ran her fingers through her hair and shook her hair back and forth. She then gathered the hair, and retied it in a messy bun. When she finished tying, she glanced around her office and her eyes connected with Regina’s. She then looked at her watch.

Regina continued towards her office. “I finished with the cleaning, do you have anything else for today?”

“It’s been about an hour.” Emma stated, looking back at Regina. Regina nodded and grasped the back of a guest chair in front of the desk. “You can take a break if you need to.” Emma offered, taking in Regina’s stance. Regina un-grasped the chair and let her arms fall to her side. Emma was looking at her, to see what she would say. Regina decided to sit at the chair she occupied earlier that morning. Emma’s eyebrow quirked up, “I meant like a food or restroom break, but you can sit if you want”. Regina caught how Emma’s eyes quickly ran over the entirety of her body that wasn’t covered by the desk between them. Emma seemed to have caught herself, suddenly switching her gaze to the wall.

“What do you work on when there are no medical emergencies?’ Regina asked, sounding much more at ease than she felt. She was curious, how many injuries could occur on the grounds of the ministry?

“What they don’t tell you in nursing school is that 30% of your job is actual care, while 70% is paperwork. But, here it’s more like 90/10.” Emma supplies with a slight shrug and smirk in a ‘what are you gonna do’ matter. “Since this is a non-profit, I have to write rich people for grants to keep my department supplied and staffed.” Emma explained.

“Oh, I never thought about it. I would have guessed you were paid by the ministry.” Regina says.

“The ministry receives donations itself, they do what I do to also but it’s easier for them. It takes some convincing on why we need 24/7 healthcare staff on site, even though there’s only 3 of us.” Emma supplies. “After I’m finished with this proposal, I’m going to begin trying to get at least one other nurse on staff, to relieve us when we need a break.”

“Three?” Regina asks, confused. “I thought it was just you and Nurse Sullivan.”

“The doctor. Even though she’s off-site, she is always on-call; and that costs money.” Emma informs her.

“I was surprised that the grounds had an infirmary when I read the info on the website. Why do we need 24/7 medical services?” Regina asks genuinely curious.

Emma adjusts in her seat, leaning closer; seemingly becoming more invested in the conversation. Her adjustment causes Regina to lean closer as well, in her curiosity. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there are approximately 80 women studying to become nuns. Plus, the faculty and staff which is another, 30-40 give or take. Not all faculty live on campus, but the majority do. Keep in mind more than half the staff are pretty up there in age. Which reminds me…” Emma pushed her chair out to reach into a cabinet behind her. She shuffled through some binders before she pulled out a sheet and handed it to Regina. “I’m going to need you to sign this. Do you know what HIPPA is?” Emma asked.

Regina glanced at the paper, seeing that the bottom of it called for her signature. “No ma’am.”

“Since you are not licensed, you should never handle medical files. They are locked away anyway but just, FYI. If you happen to be present while I or Nurse Sullivan are providing services to anyone, you must keep it confidential. You cannot ask me to go into detail concerning anyone’s care.” Emma informed Regina, suddenly very serious.

Regina nodded her understanding. “Of course, I will not tell anyone who or what I see here.”

Emma nodded, sitting back in her chair. “The paper I handed you is just to ensure you were educated, and that you acknowledge the law.” Regina nodded and reached for a pen out of Emma’s penholder. She signed where prompted and handed the paper back to Emma. “If you ever have any questions, or if you are unsure of anything, just ask me.” Emma provided with a smile. Regina smiled back.

She asked Emma what sort of nursing duties she does often. Emma went into detail on what she typically does when she isn’t doing paperwork. Talking inevitably led to stories of the grisliest cases Emma has ever been involved in. Regina listened with great interest, and asked questions when appropriate that continued the conversation. After what felt like minutes, Emma looked to her watch and her brow furrowed. “It’s nearly lunch.” She said, sounding surprised. She looked up at Regina, her brows unfurrowing and raising in humor. “We’ve been talking for a bit over an hour!” She said with a slight chuckle. Regina was surprised to, and chuckled along with her. She had learned a lot about Emma, concerning her career at least. She was reluctant to leave; however, she ran out of ideas to keep herself seated in her office. Emma seemed to be feeling the same way. She cleared her throat and glanced at her watch again. “If you don’t have anything else planned, do you want to go to the cafeteria and grab a couple of plates?”

Regina was nodding her head before Emma could even finish her sentence. “That sounds good, anything in particular?”

“Anything hot, I’m not picky.” Emma answered. Regina nodded, and made her way to the cafeteria. She gathered two plates, and glanced around the dining hall. It would seem that those who left off campus hadn’t returned. Regina returns to the infirmary to find that Emma had cleared off her desk. Emma took the tray she handed her. “I thought we could eat here, it’s the only surface that has probably had the least amount of contact with bodily fluids.” Emma says.

“Probably?” Regina asks, with an eyebrow raised. Emma shrugs her shoulders and begins to eat. Regina sat with her tray across the desk, and shyly began to eat as well, taking care her food had 0 contact with the desk surface. Emma must have been hungry because no further conversation occurred while they ate. Once the trays were empty, Emma stared at Regina curiously.

Regina tensed under her gaze, “Do I have something on my face?” she asked.

“No.” Emma simply answers. “I was just wondering…”

“Wondering what?”

“How old are you, you seem so young?”

“I’m 18.” Regina answers somewhat defensively.

Emma nodded her head, “I figured you had to be one of the teenagers in the group”.

“You’re not that much older.” Regina supplies still defensive.

“How would you know how old I am?” Emma asks curiously, with her eyes narrowed.

Regina blushed, knowing she just misspoke. She wondered how Emma would react if she discovered she was asking questions about her. “Gabbi told me.”

“Why would she just throw my age out there?”

“I may have asked her.”

“Why so curious about my age?” Emma asks, eyes still narrowed but with an upturn to her lips.

Regina scoffed. “I’m not “soo” curious, I was just wondering.”

Emma nodded, “Mhmm.”

Regina felt like she was under a microscope. She cleaned her area, and gathered Emma’s trash. She threw their trays in the trash, without making eye contact. Emma must have sensed her unease, because she let the issue drop. After glancing at her watch, she told Regina the time. “You should head out. The others should be back by now.” Regina couldn’t think of another reason to stay a bit longer, and she was feeling exposed somehow so she nodded and said her goodbye.

On her way to the dormitory, Regina kept thinking about Emma’s reaction. She seemed playful to her, which was odd. Regina wasn’t 100% innocent by any means. During her adolescence, she had “researched” romance and sex on her PC. She even went so far as to pleasure herself. She only did that a handful (pun intended) of times, feeling extremely guilty after the deed was done. That is as far as she ever cared to get about the subject. She never interacted with others at school in a “romantic” way. She had never been in love or had a crush, the way TV programs advertised it. Thinking about what she’d seen in TV programs, and what she had just witnessed. Regina had a sudden realization.

Flirting. That is what was happening. Emma wasn’t just narrowing her eyes and being playful, it was flirting she was sure of it. Regina smiled, quickening her steps. Once she was in her room, she laid back in her bed, staring up at her ceiling, replaying the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm shooting for 20 chapters total, some longer than others.


	9. Happy Halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggle with flow and transitioning... hopefully my current attempts will suffice.

The next month passed by without incident, now it is nearing the end of October. Regina and Emma grew closer, their friendship blossoming from time spent working alongside each other. Although Regina convinced herself all she wanted from Emma was friendship, flirting still seemed to take place on occasion. The days the occasions took place, Regina was left feeling exhilarated and confused.

Regina met, and got along well with Nurse Sullivan though they spoke only of work. She had yet to meet the Dr. who’s name and number she had seen listed on a board in Emma’s office. Emma had multiple patients come in throughout the month. She would take them into the treatment room and shut the door soundly with Regina on the other side. Regina understood the need for the patient’s privacy, but on these instances, she couldn’t help but feel left out.

Studies were going smoothly, with weekly meetings with the minister still taking place in order for him to keep up to date with each girl’s progression. Regina’s parents had been making their weekly visits also, finding Regina’s retellings of her days interesting. Each time they said their goodbyes, Henry would ask her, “Are you sure you want to stay?”.

“Yes Dad.” Regina would answer, with a small smile at the way her father constantly checked after every visit.

Emma and her and celebrated a few grants she received throughout this time as well. The latest being, approval and funding for an additional nurse. Although Emma had stated the new nurse would only be to relieve her or Sullivan, she offered to give up her Sundays in order for the nurse to be guaranteed a day a week.

When Emma had told Regina of her plans, Regina’s face apparently revealed a look of distress because she immediately asked her “Is something wrong?”.

Regina cursed her facial expressions, and quickly shook her head in the negative. “No it’s just…”

“Yes?” Emma inquired with her eyebrows raised in an inquisitive matter.

Regina felt dejected. She so liked and looked forward to her time with Emma, she considered her a friend at this point. To Regina, she was the closest friend she had ever had. She knew Emma wouldn’t make fun of her for voicing her thoughts, but she had a feeling of apprehension about telling her how this situation made her feel.

“What day are you going to drop?” Regina asked, avoiding eye contact.

Emma sat across from her, with her eyes curiously examining her posture. She too had considered Regina to be a friend at this point, even though she was so much younger and training to be a nun. The nurse found Regina to be somewhat of an old soul, and she liked that in people.

“Fridays, I think.” Emma provided, watching as Regina seemed to unconsciously relax her posture. “I’ve been considering it, and since I already work the weekend, might as well have Friday off to have fun.”

Regina felt relieved to hear Emma hadn’t chosen a day when they worked together. She was curious however, to know what “fun” Emma was referring to. “What fun can you have on a Friday that you can’t have on the weekend?”

Emma seemed surprised by the question, and stuttered out “Nothing really, it’s just… well I have a… it’s…”

Regina poised her eyebrow up inquisitively. Her question asked from 70% jest and 30% intrigue, was causing Emma to stutter and falter with her wording. She looked on with a small smile, looking forward to her answer.

“I look forward to my weekends here… that’s all.” Emma finally stammered out, now she was the one avoiding eye contact.

Regina’s smile widened, “Good, I wouldn’t have wanted you to give up one of the day’s I’m here.”

Emma quickly looked up with widened eyes.

“Who else would I annoy and get in the way of?” Regina asked with a laugh.

Emma laughed along with her.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

With Halloween coming up, studies included how the holiday’s history ties into their own religion. While the more horror themed decorations/ costumes were frowned upon, the lighter aspects of Halloween were displayed around the grounds. Pumpkins and black cats could be found amongst every building, and candy was abundant.

Most of the girls were currently in the common area, conversing and studying around the available seats. Regina sat in a chair close to the fireplace with a book concerning nursing basics. On one of her occasional glances around the room she noticed a small group of girls from her class talking lowly and apparently excitedly. Candice caught her eye and smiled before leaning down and whispering something to the others. They all nodded their heads and exchanged words before they all looked towards Regina. Regina raised her brow and chin in a “what is it” matter. Candice broke apart from the group, and made her way over to Regina.

“Hi Regina, we are all over there planning what to do for Halloween, and wanted to see if you wanted to tag along?”

“What do you mean? Aren’t we all going to be at that community fall festival thing?” Regina asked.

“Well yeah of course, that’s mandatory but I meant afterwards. You know we can leave the grounds, still right? It’s not going to be anything crazy just a bit of fun.”

Regina considered this. She had never been invited out before. She was unsure how she would act in such a social situation. Having grown closer to Emma, she had wished she was more adept with conversation. Determined, Regina agreed to go out and received the details from a very enthused Candice.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The community fall festival was a great success. Regina manned the bobbing for apples station, often stealing glances at Emma across the yard. The infirmary had a booth set up promoting dental hygiene and offering blood pressure checks. The infirmary’s booth lacked foot traffic to say the least.

While everyone was cleaning the grounds, Regina made her way to Emma’s booth. “How about a blood pressure check?”

Emma stopped packing up the information boards, and smiled at Regina. “Sure, just have a seat.”

Regina sat in the designated chair and laid her arm out on the table. Emma gathered her supplies and sat in a rolling stool. She slid over to Regina, setting her supplies up around Regina’s arm.

Regina stiffened at the physical contact, a warm feeling spreading throughout her body.

“How’d the night go for you?” Emma asked.

“Nobody drowned so I say it went pretty good.” Regina answered with a smirk on her face.

Emma laughed and nodded, beginning to pump up the blood pressure cuff. She must have felt Regina’s stiffness because she advised her to, “Relax, breath out.”

Regina went from gazing around the grounds, to looking at Emma’s face which was the closest to hers it had ever been. As Emma began to readjust her stethoscope, she wheeled the stool forward. Regina felt a brush against the inside of her thighs and glanced down. Emma’s right leg had situated itself between her own, with her left framing Regina’s right. Regina’s breath hitched at this intimate position, and she felt her pulse quicken. She went back to looking at Emma’s face so close to her own. Regina thought Emma had to hear her pulse speed up, the way she heard it beating so thunderously loud in her own ears. She felt Emma’s warm hand which was lightly gripping her forearm. She had an unexplainable urge to lean towards Emma’s warmth, had hoped to God she would just stay still.

Emma seemed to be oblivious to the reaction she was causing Regina. When the air began to hiss out completely from the cuff, Emma turned her head with a small smile. Regina held her eye contact, their faces inches apart “Perfect”. She then, quickly freed Regina’s arm and wheeled herself backwards putting the supplies away in a bag.

“Are you going out with the others?” Emma asked with her back still turned, packing things away.

“How do you know about that?” Regina asked, returning to herself.

“It’s common for the candidates to go out on the holidays. A lot of girls go out to have a good time actually, the only ones who refrain are the ones who’ve taken their temporary vows.” Emma explained.

Regina nodded, finding it interesting how Emma kept up to date on the goings on of the church. Since the medical staff were not sisters, it was easy dissociate Emma from the church.

“Yes, I will be going out with the others. I’m not sure where the destination is that, but I was promised it was nothing to crazy.” Regina explained.

Done packing, Emma stood with a few bags slung over her shoulders and back. “Well, I haven’t heard of a riot getting out of hands concerning a bunch of nun candidates so I’m guessing you’ll be safe.” She offered with a smirk.

Regina barked out a laugh, seemingly surprising herself since a hand flew up to cover her mouth. Emma laughed, keeping her eyes focused on Regina.

“How about you? Are you going trick-or-treating?” Regina couldn’t help but tease.

Emma rolled her eyes, “Yeah, I have my costume all ready and waiting for me”.

Regina laughed, imagining Emma in going door to door asking for candy.

“Well, I better be off. Have fun tonight and be safe.” Emma offered Regina with a nod goodbye.

Regina made her way to the dormitories, running into the group she’s tagging along with in the common area.

Candice and Gabbi saw her enter and made their way over to her. “Are you ready to go?” they asked in unison.

Regina looked between the two and answered, “I think so, do I need to take anything?”.

“No.” Gabbi answered.

“Some of the girls have costumes packed in their purses, wanting their last Halloween to be traditional. But we’re not and you don’t have to.” Candice informed Regina.

Regina nodded, “Yeah, ok then… I’m ready. Where are we going?”.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Regina and the others entered a small bar approximately 30 miles away from the church grounds on the opposite side of Regina’s hometown.

The music was loud, and most of the inhabitants were wearing costumes. Upon entering, many of the girls quickly scattered. It seemed that they had notified their friends and family to meet them there for the evening.

Gabbi and Candice stayed close, herding their group of three to the nearest empty table.

“Sooo…” Candice began, once they settled in the small round table.

Regina turned from looking over the dance floor to see Gabbi and Candice looking at her.

“Yeah?” she asked cautiously.

“Is it going to make you uncomfortable if Gabbi goes over and gets me a drink?” Candice asked tentatively.

Regina considered her question. The underage drinking wasn’t a problem for her she found, it was the drinking in general. Their all on their way to becoming nuns for crying out loud, they should have stopped these frivolous habits/ tendencies when they became candidates. Who was she to stop anyone though.

“Not at all go ahead.” Regina offered with a smile.

Candice looked relieved as Gabbi offered to grab a drink for Regina as well.

“Ginger ale if they have it, if they don’t just a water thanks.”

Gabbi nodded and made her way to the small bar.

Candice and Regina engaged in small talk, taking in the costumes and dancing that was happening around them. Regina kept glancing towards Gabbi, finding her to be taking a long time with their drinks. She saw Gabbi talking with others, and taking shots with the group. Regina counted 3 shots down, before Gabbi received their order and began to make her way back to the table.

Regina took her ginger ale and looked back to the crowd. Gabbi and Candice spoke about their surroundings and their favorite drinks. Regina listened in and contributed when necessary. Throughout the night, Gabbi and Candice left Regina to join others on the dancefloor. Regina had refused every attempt to get her up and dancing. She was not one to dance, especially in a place like this.

Her companions finally found their way back to the table after several drinks and dances. While Gabbi seemed to be extremely inebriated, Candice appeared tipsy and giggling swaying on her stool. Regina found their company to be laughable, and her ginger ale was asking for an out.

She told them she was hitting the toilets, to which Gabbi insisted she needed to go as well.

Regina sighed and conceded, waiting for her to pull herself together enough to walk across to the restrooms. Gabbi was swaying, unable to stay on a straight path without assistance. Regina was becoming upset, and concerned that Gabbi let herself go so far off the deep end. They made their way into the restroom, arm in arm. It was a small area, with two stalls and one sink.

“I have to peeeeee.” Gabbi moaned, removing her arm from Regina’s and slinging it over her shoulders.

“Well we are in the restrooms, you can.” Regina responds annoyed. She pushed Gabbi into the available stall and closed the door.

Regina did her business in the other stall, and came out to wash her hands. She hadn’t heard anything from Gabbi’s stall since she urinated. She knocked to check.

“Occup- occupod- o- occupied.” Gabbi slurred out with giggles.

Regina rolled her eyes and took a deep breath to calm herself. She knocked again, “It’s Regina!”

“Oh Reginaaa! Come in!”

Regina’s hand hesitated on the stall door, worried about what was on the other side. Thankfully, Gabbi seemed to have had enough mind to pull her pants back up and she was sitting on the seat with her head resting on the stall wall.

“Get up, we have to go back to the table. We’re leaving.”

Gabbi looked up to Regina, taking her words in. “I’m drunk.” She stated simply after a moment.

“Yeah, I got that.” Regina bites out.

Gabbi kept looking at her with half closed lids and slightly swaying. “You’re pretty you know? Like realllllly pretty. The prettiest girl here.”

Regina looked at her with an eyebrow raised. Regina felt like if she was looking in a mirror she would see disgust in her reflection. Gabbi was so wasted, her compliments where anything but endearing. The way Gabbi was looking at her though, gave her pause. She had a somewhat mischievous glint in her eyes, that Regina did not like the looks of. She’s just drunk, Regina told herself. Hopefully, she won’t remember her weirdness come tomorrow morning.

“Thaaaanks” Regina awkwardly lets out, “Can you get off the toilet and wash your hands so we can go now?”

“Uhh, fine.” Gabbi pulled herself up and did as instructed.

Regina waited for her by the door, and once she was done took her arm and led her out. She gathered Candice, and a few others who had decided to stay sober like her. They made their way to the front of the bar, looking for their driver. Regina seemed to be holding the brunt of Gabbi’s intoxicated form, dragging her along with Candice holding Gabbi’s hand. Suddenly Gabbi dead weighted herself, stopping Regina in her tracks. Regina’s legs and arms were becoming sore from her weight. “Stand up Gabbi! You’re to heavy, I can’t carry you!”

Gabbi stood up straight, slightly swaying and looked at Regina. She blinked several times before smiling in a sleepy way. Regina stood there with a apprehension, waiting for her to fall. Gabbi wobbled close to her, placing her lips a hair breaths away from Regina’s ear. She whispered, “You’re pretty.” before pulling back and turning her lips to attach to Regina’s.

Regina was in shock. She stood there, unmoving, for what felt like a minute but was in reality a handful of seconds. This was her first kiss. A drunk, unwanted, unreciprocated kiss from someone she doesn’t even consider a friend. To be fair to Gabbi, her lips were soft but the kiss was nothing to her. Emma’s face flashed in her mind’s eye. This felt wrong for another reason entirely, then what the obvious should have been to Regina (two females kissing). Finally, Regina returned to the now and pushed Gabbi away from her. Gabbi’s lips were still puckered when she stumbled back and slowly opened her eyes.

“Woooow” Gabbi slurred out, then her unfocused eyes went from Regina to something just behind Regina her eyes brightening in recognition. “Heeeey guys! It’s Nurse Swan! Hi Nurse Swan!”.

Regina’s heart fell to her stomach just as Gabbi doubled over and vomited all over her shoes.


	10. What the hell?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Fucking Valentines Day

With the help of the nurse, the girls were corralled into their transportation. During the process, Regina went through extreme lengths to not make eye contact with Emma. She wondered what Emma thought about the situation. Did she think her and Gabbi were a couple? Did she think she was disgusting? Would she tell anyone what she saw? Questions and feelings raced through her mind. The overpowering feeling however, was unexplainably… guilt. Even though she did nothing, she felt guilty. She felt guilty even before she discovered Emma witnessed the interaction.

It was impossible not to face Emma. Before Regina got into the car herself, she turned to Emma. She was dressed in pale blue scrubs that were ripped in several places. Blood spattered the scrub top and her face. Emma was speaking with the driver while Regina took her costume in.

Emma turned, facing Regina. Regina felt her cheeks heat up, and quickly looked down. Emma cleared her throat. “I told the driver to drop you all off in front of the infirmary. Gabbi’s passed out, and there’s a few others that shouldn’t be dragged straight away to the dormitories. It’ll also be more discreet. I don’t know what’ll happen if the sisters discover their girls became obscenely intoxicated.” Emma informs her with a straight, businesslike face and tone.

Regina bobbed her head occasionally, her eyes shifting between the ground and Emma.

“Tell the ones who are able enough to get to their dorms and to do so quietly.”

Another head bob from Regina.

“Emma!”

Emma’s and Regina’s heads shot to the entrance of the bar. Standing near the door was a man resembling Harry Potter in a quidditch uniform. The voice that called out to Emma did not belong to him though. Next to him was a woman dressed similarly to Emma. Similarly, NOT the same. This woman’s costume left little to the imagination. Her scrubs were white. Her scrub top was a button down tied into a midriff. Her scrub bottom, a miniskirt. Blood was splattered in multiple areas, including her exposed stomach and her face/neck. Her hair was loose, with a stereotypical nurse cap sitting atop her head. Her makeup was a bit extreme, Regina thought.

The voice belonged to her. She was looking intently at Emma, with her brows raised in apparent exasperation and her eyes questioning. Emma let out a sigh and raised her hand in a “hold up” matter, causing the woman to huff and glance at Regina. Regina quickly averted her eyes.

Emma turned back to her. “I’ll follow the car. If your too drunk th-“

Regina interrupted her, “I haven’t drunk anything but ginger ale.”. She tells her, looking at her face.

Emma’s face revealed nothing. “Good. Tell whoever is sober to help the ones who aren’t. I’ll see you all there.” Emma finished and abruptly turned to join the couple at the entrance. 

Regina watched her approach them. When Emma was within arms distance of them, the woman reached out for her hand. Emma took it, and was (Regina was guessing) informing them of the situation. The man began laughing hysterically, while the woman looked concerned. Emma held the woman’s hand and smiled watching the man laugh. Regina looked on, feeling like she was intruding. It was odd to see Emma out of the infirmary much less off the grounds. She wondered who the woman was to Emma. A friend? A sister? Cousin maybe? Regina considered these options while closing the car door.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Once the car parked, girls scattered. Those stable on their feet, leading the ones who weren’t so stable to the rooms. Those who were either passed out or close to it, were assisted into the infirmary. Upon entering, Regina saw that somehow Emma had beat them back. It seemed that she was catching nurse Sullivan up to speed. Hearing them enter, both nurses turned and stepped towards them.

Emma looked at Regina, “Put her on a bed.” she directed with a nod to Gabbi. She then began to rush around the room gathering supplies, while Sullivan began taking vital signs.

Regina and Candice both held Gabbi between them and laid her down on the closest bed.

“I’m gonna go help with the other one who couldn’t hang.” Candice whispered to Regina with a giggle, really sounding her age.

Regina nodded. “Another one is coming in.” She announced to the room.

“Great.” Emma replied without looking up.

When the other girl was brought in, Regina directed her to the empty bed. She then told the ones who helped to silently return to their dorms, and to keep it discreet. She figured it would go without saying, but from what she had seen tonight she couldn’t be too sure.

While Regina watched the nurses gather vital signs from both girls occupying the beds, she heard a door down the short hall open. Regina stepped from the room to investigate the noise. Regina couldn’t help but physically recoil at what she saw.

The woman who had been dressed as a whorish nurse (in Regina’s opinion), was now dressed in a pair of Emma’s scrubs. Regina knew they were in fact Emma’s spare scrubs because she had seen them before, her spare set had a bleach stain near the middle due to a ‘laundry mishap’. The woman was standing at the doorway, finishing up toweling off her neck. When she turned, she caught Regina’s inspective gaze.

The stranger raised an eyebrow, with a tilt of her head. 

“Dr.!” Emma called out calmly but loudly from the treatment room.

Regina’s face showed her confusion. The woman let out a smirk before tossing the towel blindly behind her and taking off towards Emma’s voice.

Regina was in shock. There was no way that this lady is the Dr. the nurses always referred to. Regina was informed the Dr. was a female, but she imagined an old sisterly looking woman. She couldn’t recall the name that was listed on the information pamphlet, or the phone number roster. Dr. Landy? Or was it, Dr. Lucan? Regina shook her head and followed closely behind her, back into the room.

“How are they?” The alleged Dr. asked to no one in particular.

Vital signs were listed off, with the nurses’ suggested plans of action. The alleged Dr. nodded while listening and performing a shallow examination herself before agreeing with the two nurses. The nurses must have expected her to agree because the IV supplies were already at the bedside, and were immediately utilized as soon as she uttered her approval.

During this time, Regina’s eyes had darted between whoever was speaking. Now her gaze landing on the strange woman again. The nurses stepped back from the patients, and stepped towards the doctor. Regina watched as they all shared glances, their faces stoic.

“My office.” Emma announced quietly. Making her way before the others could even blind. Regina stood unmoving at her spot. Emma must have caught her lack of movement from the corner of her eye, because she turned to address her. “You to Miss. Mills.”

The 4 women entered the back office making it feel a bit cramped. Emma had held the door for all to open, so she closed the door behind them. The stranger had made herself at home in Emma’s chair, while nurse Sullivan sat in the guest chair. Regina herself in the corner horizontal to Emma. Emma closed her eyes and took a deep breath, before slowly exhaling. All occupants of the room were staring at her. When she opened them, she looked from the other nurse to the Dr. before all 3 of them suddenly began hysterically laughing. Regina looked on as the medical professionals apparently lost their minds. They all contained tears in their eyes from the laughter. Once it seemed to be dying down, one of them would giggle setting the others off for another round. Regina did not join in on their laughter. However, she did have half a smile on her face due to the absurdity of what was happening.

Finally, the laughter fizzled out once and for all. Emma wiped her eyes and looked down at herself. She tended to the patients while looking a nurse who needed medical attention herself.

“Well that was fun.” The doctor announced.

“Won’t be so fun for the girls who aren’t getting pumped full of fluids.” Nurse Sullivan scoffed out.

Emma shook her head, with an amused but disappointed shake of her head.

“These girls are supposed to be training to become nuns, right? Or did the curriculum change to how to be sorority girls?” The doctor asked, breaking into laughter between her two questions.

Nurse Sullivan laughed heartily at the Dr.’s joke, but Emma didn’t react. She instead suddenly turned to Regina, who it seems the room had forgotten about even though the confines of the office were tight.

The others followed Emma’s gaze, Sullivan turning in her chair, to look at Regina.

“Miss Mills, this is Dr. Lucas. Dr., this is Miss Mills. She is a candidate student, and our medical volunteer.” Emma introduced the two.

Regina nodded her head to the Dr. in greeting, who did the same with a smirk on her face. Emma cleared her throat, not knowing what to say.

Silence ensued the introductions. After a moment, Sullivan spoke up. “Well, are we going to stay fully staffed all night or are you three going to leave me be? Regina, you should head to your room. Dr. fill out your notes now about these girls, I don’t want anything being left undone during my shift!” She asked with a raise of her eyebrow.

“UHHH, it’s Halloween and I’ve been drinking! Can’t this wait? I’ll come back tomorrow I swear.” The Dr. groaned out.

Emma opened the door, and gestured to Regina to take her leave. Regina nodded, and made her way through the threshold, with Emma behind her. The other two continued with their banter. Emma walked Regina to the exit, and held the door. Regina chanced to look at her to nod her goodbye, when she was caught by Emma’s expression. Emma appeared disappointed. When their eye’s connected, Emma’s expression slipped into one of tired indifference.

“Thank you, Regina for your help tonight. Drink some water and get some sleep.” Before Regina could remind her she didn’t partake, Emma had begun making her way back to her office. The door shuts on its own, and now it was gradually closing. Regina turned, with her back towards the door.

Just before the door could click shut, she heard Dr. Lucas yell out. “Emma writes all my notes for me anyway don’t you Emma? in bed after we’ve settled!”

The door then shut soundly.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Regina walked back to her dorm alone, thinking about the last thing Dr. Lucas said. ‘In bed after we’ve settled’… what the hell does that mean? Regina thought. She scolded herself for cursing. Settled from doing what though? Do they lay in bed together? Dr. Lucas made it sound that way. Do they live together? Are they TOGETHER together? Emma involved in a lesbian relationship… Emma in any relationship… Regina didn’t know how she felt about that.

Yes she did, she is no stranger to jealousy. This jealousy however, is quite different than what she experienced at a young age. A neighbor girl began to spend time with her parents when Regina was in her pre-teen age. The girl no more than a year younger than her began helping them around the house & garden, even inviting herself to dinners. Regina had gotten a bit territorial over her parents, to which they light heartedly laughed and admonished her jealousy by pointing it out to her and directing her to scriptures concerning the topic.

Regina now lays in her bed, her mind racing. She began to go over every interaction she witnessed between Emma and the doctor. They seemed close, the way the Dr. called out to her initially. The way they held hands, the concerned looks she directed to Emma, their laughter, her wearing Emma’s clothes, that bizarre comment yelled out before the door closed. That last two thoughts particularly turned Regina’s stomach in an unfamiliarly familiar way.

Regina began to rub her turning stomach, her mind switching to solely Emma. It was weird how she referred to her as Miss Mills in front of the Dr., even though she always calls her Regina when it’s just the nurses. Did she not want the Dr. to know they were on a first name basis? If that was the case, why not? Emma can have other friends.

Regina then remembered that she had her first kiss tonight. Gabbi really made the night go downhill. Regina felt nothing in a romantic sense when thinking about Gabbi and her kiss. However, oddly enough, she didn’t feel disgusted. She doesn’t consider herself homophobic, but she was taught it is a sin therefore never gave it any thought. Which is another reason her mind won’t drift to sleep.

Even though she knows it is wrong, she couldn’t help but feel disappointed that Emma wasn’t the one who kissed her. If she was going to be kissed by a female against her will, why couldn’t it had been her. Their closer friends, it just would have made more sense (Regina reasoned). Images started to flash through her mind. Emma close to her, Emma holding her hand, Emma pulling her close, Emma’s lips on hers. These thoughts settled her previously peculiar feeling stomach, causing a whole different feeling entirely.

Suddenly, Regina’s eyes shot open and she sat up straight in bed. “What the hell is wrong with me?” She asked the empty room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos, they truly drive me to continue with the story.


	11. What to do?

Regina did not sleep well last night. She could not stop herself from reviewing the night’s events repeatedly. Her mind was also battling the ‘Emma issue’. That is what she decided to call the feelings she was experiencing towards the nurse. The longing to be in her presence, the discontentment she feels when she goes a day without seeing her, the jealousy of others who seem close to her (especially that Dr.). The ‘Emma issue’ also incorporates the feelings and reactions her body has when she imagines being intimately involved with the nurse.

Initially, the fantasy of Emma kissing her led her to a slight breakdown/ breakthrough. However, when she thought about them together throughout the night, she innocently imagined being able to speak and banter freely with her. Her mind would begin to stray to include thoughts of touching Emma freely (platonically! of course). Before her straying mind led to them slotting their lips together however, Regina would catch and reroute herself.

She had never harbored romantic feelings before. This was all new to her. However, she knew what she was feeling for the nurse. She wanted to see her practically every minute of every day. She wanted to learn everything about her, and to tell her everything about herself. She couldn’t say she was ‘in love’ with her, she didn’t know her well enough. But, she knew these feelings could lead to love if nurtured and facilitated by Emma. Although she tried to keep herself from imagining being intimate with Emma, she didn’t feel wrong about it. She knew it was wrong (based off the teachings) but it did not feel like an abomination, it felt like… hope and possibility.

What do these revelations mean? Should she leave? Go on as if she didn’t have these feelings? Should she tell Emma of her feelings? No! She could not tell Emma, especially not with that Dr. being who-knows-what to her. She still loved God, and wanted to make a difference by helping others. Before she had no doubts, now she was filled with them. She could not in good conscious take her final vows if she was asked to at this time.

Although she was taught it was an abomination, Regina never felt that was right. Maybe for those who were promiscuous with their bodies and partners, but not for those who were with who they truly loved. How could love ever be wrong? She never voiced her thoughts aloud, instead nodding along when teachings were directed against the issue.

Regina rubbed her eyes pulling her thoughts from this particular train. Back to leaving. What would she tell her parents? They would undoubtedly hound her for her reasoning given how much she had advocated for this opportunity. She felt that in the future she could tell her parents the truth, not now or anytime soon. No. She could not leave, but she also could not continue with her original plan. She needed to stay so she has access to Emma. Emma spends most of her time at work, on the grounds. If she wanted to get closer to Emma, and see where these feelings would lead, she needed to stay. This made her feel guilty, she would be staying under false pretenses. It couldn’t be helped, she decided. She would make it right, and in the end, contribute somehow to the church and the community.

Regina sat up, and swung her legs to the edge of the bed. She by no means had a plan, but she had reason. Regina prayed, asking for forgiveness and guidance. She then began to prepare for her day.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Regina checked on the girls who were inebriated the night before. She found that Emma had provided them all with sick notes, alerting the staff that the girls had cold symptoms and should refrain from group activities, encouraging bedrest and fluids. It was Saturday morning, so those who did not utilize the handwritten excuses were reporting to their designated volunteer stations.

Regina entered the infirmary, her priority is to see how the girls who required medical intervention last night were fairing. She found Gabbi sitting up in the bed, an IV still attached and pumping. The other bed was empty. Gabbi looked towards her upon her entrance. She smiled in a “welp” matter.

“How are you feeling?” Regina inquired, coming to stand at the foot of her bed.

Gabbi shrugged, “I feel fine, Nurse Sullivan said I overdrank, but that I was dehydrated to begin with. I was getting the fluids to detox, but now it’s for hydration. I’m set to leave as soon as this bag is done.” she jerks her head to the hanging bag that is a little less than 200ml full.

Regina nodded her head, taking the information in. She didn’t know what to say to her. Should she bring up what happened the night before? She wanted to let her know that her advance was unwarranted and unreciprocated, but it was awkward.

“I’m sorry.” Gabbi blurted out. Regina had been staring at the IV bag, and jerked back to Gabbi’s face.

“I remember practically everything from last night… except getting here.” Gabbi said, with an awkward smile. “I was drunk, and… you are pretty… and I just…”

Regina shook her head, she felt her face heating. “I’m not… I don’t thi… ahh… I don’t think of you in that way.”

“Of course you don’t, I didn’t think you did. Like I said, I was drunk and went for it.” Gabbi told her, her eyes downcast. She looked up, and they held eye contact.

“I’m leaving.” Declared Gabbi.

Regina tilted her head in question.

“I’m gay. I tried to not be, I really did. I mean, I’m a 21-year-old virgin for fucks sake.”

Regina recoiled at the language.

“I thought I could control it you know, I thought I could just become a nun and these feelings would go away. But this isn’t the old world. I’m still apart of society, and surrounded by women my age. I didn’t know the ministry was so modern…” Gabbi spilled out with eyes wide, stopping to take a breath.

Regina was stunned, she didn’t know what to say.

“Nurse Sullivan helped me figure this out this morning. The minister will be coming in to visit with me… I’m going to tell him everything.” Gabbi finished, looking at Regina for her reaction.

Regina continued to be stunned. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it several times. “You told the nurse?”

“Of course, their trained for emotional slash mental stuff like this.”

“Wow, Ok… you’re sure about this?” Regina asked, she couldn’t help but picture herself in Gabbi’s situation.

“Yes. I haven’t told any of the other girls, I’m telling you because you unknowingly helped me come to this… decision.” Gabbi smiled and tipped her head in thanks.

Regina nodded, a blush she couldn’t control creeping up her neck. “Well… that’s good. You can live your truth… right, which is great. I wish you all the happiness Gabbi.” Regina said her goodbye and walked towards Emma’s office.

The door was closed, and it appeared to be dark inside. Regina was confused, Emma never left the infirmary unmanned, and she didn’t see her in the front. The sound of papers shuffling drew her attention to the opposite side of Emma’s closed door. A door she felt like she never noticed was ajar with light streaming through. She stepped towards it and peeked in.

Sitting at a small desk was a woman dressed in scrubs who she had never seen before. Regina had incidentally nudged the door during her peek, causing the woman to look up from the papers she was handling. Her eyebrows rose in surprise.

“Who are you?” The lady in scrubs asked.

Regina straightened up and opened the door fully to present herself. “I’m Regina Mills, I volunteer here…”

The surprise dissipated from the middle-aged woman’s face. “Right. They told me about you. I’m the new nurse, Nurse Reed.” Nurse Reed stood and offered Regina her hand. Regina shook it confusedly.

“They?” Regina asked.

“The nurses.” Reed clarified.

Regina blinked, still not understanding what exactly was happening. Today was Saturday which meant Emma should be here. Emma had told her she would only be giving up her Fridays. Why was this new nurse here on a Saturday, alone for that matter? Surely if she was to start one of the veteran nurses would have stayed to train her.

The whole time she’s thinking to herself, Reed looked between her and the paper in front of her. “You can get started on whatever it is you do.”

Regina drew her attention back to the person in front of her. Nurse Reed had an entire head of gray hair cropped short despite her middle-aged appearance. Her hair color and cut made her appear older than what her age appeared to be based of her lightly wrinkled face. “Will Nurse Swan be in today?” Regina asked, looking expectantly at the new nurse.

“No, she took the day off. A lot of girls became sick yesterday so she had a long night so I’m told. She’ll be back tomorrow to train me more thoroughly.” Reed answered while shuffling papers.

Regina nodded, and took her leave from the small side office. She had hoped to see Emma today and maybe gauge who the Dr. was to her. She had also considered broaching the subject of the kiss Emma encountered back at the bar. She was really hoping to have cleared the air between them. Their last interactions had seemed so… stiff. Nothing like their usual friendly selves.

Regina had begun to straighten up the area, things had been disheveled from the night before. She began in the treatment room where Gabbi laid. Nurse Reed came in during her clear up and disconnected the IV from Gabbi’s arm. When she left them alone again the girls talked about the how they thought speaking with the minister is going to go.

Cleaning and reorganizing the area didn’t take long, and Regina was nearly finished when the infirmary door opened to reveal the minister and a sister Regina didn’t know enter. Regina looked to Gabbi, who gave her a nod indicating for her leave them. Regina slipped out of the room, and alerted Reed she would be leaving early.

Regina walked to her room, forgoing a stop to the cafeteria. Her day felt so… incomplete. She wished she had a way to talk to Emma, to see how they would talk alone after all that happened Halloween night. When she entered the common area, she scanned the area unconsciously looking for her. She didn’t see Emma anywhere. She’s probably in her room, Regina considered. Would it be weird for her to go to the top floor that housed faculty and staff? Regina didn’t think it would be _that_ weird. She would just pop up and ask how Emma was doing. She apparently stayed up and helped with the debacle later than Regina had stayed up.

Deciding if she moved quickly she wouldn’t draw any attention to herself, Regina made her way to the top floor. During one of their random conversations, Emma had revealed that she was housed in the room that bore her favorite/ lucky number which was 35. Regina stood in front of the door, second guessing her reasoning. Her palms were growing sweaty as she formed a plan of how to talk to her. She decided that for now, she just wanted to let Emma know that the kiss did not mean anything. She also wanted to know how the rest of Emma’s night had gone.

Regina rose her fist and knocked lightly at the door. She heard shuffling behind the door. Regina stepped back, and looked up and down the hall. She heard the door handle jiggle, and watched as it lightly creaked open. The crack revealed a green eye. Once the green eye discovered it was Regina, the door opened wider revealing a sleepy looking Emma. She was dressed in short gym shorts and a tank top with an open robe draped loosely over her frame. This was the most skin Regina had ever seen of Emma’s. She could not help but to look over every inch of skin. She caught herself being creepy and quickly caught Emma’s eyes. Emma eyed her sleepily but with concern.

“Regina? Is everything Ok?” Emma asked with a voice made husky from sleep.

Regina stepped closer nodding her head. “Yeah I’m fine… I just left the infirmary…”

Emma nodded with a hum. “You met Ms. Reed then. How was it?”

“Fine, she’s fine. It’s just… I was expecting to see you there this morning.” Regina told her, feeling the need to let Emma know she was missed.

“I had an unexpectedly late night, as you know.” Emma said with a small side smile, leaning on her doorframe.

“Right… about that… I was hoping to speak to you about what you might have se- seen back at that ba- bar…” Regina stuttered out, her nerves getting the best of her.

Emma’s eyes narrowed, and her small smile slipped with the tightening of her jaw. “That’s none of my business really and,” Emma scanned up and down the hall, “this isn’t really a place to discuss such _things_.”.

Regina wondered why Emma’s jaw tightened. “It’s just… I’d really like to talk to you… I don’t really have anyone else to...” Regina’s sentence tapered off. She began to feel a bit pathetic admitting to Emma that she had no one to really confide in.

Emma seemed to know what Regina was trying to say because her face softened, and she nodded. She opened her door wider, but hesitated. She closed the door back to what it had been, having thought better of what she was about to suggest. “Ok. How about we go for a walk? We can walk and talk, maybe find somewhere quiet to sit?”

Regina had been hoping Emma would invite her inside. She wanted to know what Emma’s room looked like, how she lived (not in a creepy way). She deduced Emma had just considered inviting her in, but apparently changed her mind. She wondered why. She needed to learn more about Emma, she needed to know what her relationship with the Dr. was, and talking privately in her room seemed like the most logical way to Regina. She took a deep breath, gathering her courage and straightening her posture. “Actually, I was hoping we could talk more privately… in your room… perhaps?” Regina had begun her sentence as a statement, but ended it in a question. She felt like she needed to be a bit forward, in order to get anywhere with Emma. But she could only be _so_ brave. 

Emma seemed taken aback, her brows rose and her eye widened in surprise. She tilted her head in a confused manner, “I don’t think-“.

Regina cut her off, “Please? I just have some things to… talk through… I just don’t think walking and talking will allow for, deeper conversations.” She kept eye contact with Emma, hoping to convey through her eyes what she meant (even though she herself really didn’t know).

Emma nodded, indicating she knew what Regina was saying. She surveyed Regina’s demeanor, finding it odd that the usually soft-spoken girl was asking to enter her room in a somewhat insistent matter. Emma again glanced around the hall before she opened her door wider once again, stepping aside to allow Regina to enter. Regina kept her eyes down and couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face as she stepped across the threshold into Emma’s room.


	12. Talking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s such a slow burn to me, that I keep taking time out to write intimate/ smut scenes that I know I want to include in the future instead of continuing on from where I left off... which causes updates to take longer... sorry not sorry.

The first thing Regina noticed was that Emma’s room was more like an apartment. It seemed to her, that Emma’s room was twice the size of hers. Instead of two twin sized beds across from each other (like the candidate’s dorms), one unmade queen bed sat in the far corner of the room. Across the threshold, a small kitchenette area along with a table and chair set was slightly untidy. Regina found it odd that Emma was a professional who kept her workplace neat and organized yet her personal space was unkempt. Standing between the entrance and the kitchen area, Regina caught herself examining Emma’s room closely.

Emma closed the door, and shuffled over to start clearing up the small table. 3“Uhh… I wasn’t expecting to have company. Sorry about the mess.” Emma explained.

Regina shrugged her off. “No need to apologize. I like your room.” She couldn’t believe she was in Emma’s room. It felt so, intimate somehow, to be in her room with her dressed the way she was. The room smelt like her to. It smelt like her office; laundry detergent, vanilla, and something uniquely Emma.

“Thanks. Please, have a seat. Can I get you anything to drink?”

“I’ll just have a glass of water, thanks.” Regina answered, taking a seat at the small table.

Emma put the things from the table in the sink, and gathered a glass from the cupboard to fill with water. She placed the glass in front of Regina, and went towards the bed. “Sorry, it’s just weird to have company with a mess. Just give me a minute to straighten up.” She said as she went and gathered scrubs and other articles of clothing off the floor.

Regina sipped on her water and switched her gaze from Emma cleaning to outside the window near her. Emma had bent at the waist, fishing jeans from under the bed. Regina couldn’t help but to look at her backside at this position. She held the gulp of water in her mouth, as she imagined what Emma’s behind felt like. It seemed that it would be… tight. It’s odd, she never thought about another’s body before. Lost in her thoughts, she was caught off guard when Emma quickly turned with her arms full of clothes. Regina inhaled in surprise causing water to go from her mouth, to up and out her nose. Regina quickly covered her face, mortified. Emma tossed the clothes in the closet, before rushing to get paper towels for Regina.

“Did it go down the wrong pipe?” She asked, concerned.

Regina was thankful it seemed that Emma did not catch her staring. “Yeah.” She answered, coughing and clearing her nose. She felt like such an idiot. Emma patted her back, which only caused her to feel breathless in another way entirely.

After finally settling down, Regina was able to talk. “Thanks, I’m good now”. Emma stopped patting her back (Regina felt the loss), and moved to sit in the unoccupied chair.

“So… you wanted to talk?” Emma lightly urged, sitting across from Regina with an open expression.

“Gabbi’s gay.” Regina blurted out. She had wanted to explain to Emma that she and Gabbi were not a couple by any means, but this is what came out instead.

Emma’s eyes widened at her sudden exclamation. “Uhh…ok.” Emma looked down and put her hands on the table, lightly tapping her fingers.

Regina kept her eyes on her. She could tell that she had made her feel uncomfortable. Regina had her own hands under the table on her lap. She began picking at the skin around her nails, a nervous habit.

Emma cleared her throat, looking back at her. “I sort of gathered that much.” She said, with an awkward half smile.

“How?” Regina asked, fearing that she would say something like ‘Because you two were sucking face.’

Emma seemed to be contemplating what she was about to say. “Do you remember the first time we met? Officially?”

Regina’s brows furrowed, she didn’t know where she was going with this. “You mean in the common room?”

“Yeah, Gabbi introduced us.”

“Yes, I remember.”

“Then you remember how Gabbi and I know each other?”

Regina took a moment to remember, her brows furrowing in thought. She remembered being (at the time) unexplainably dismayed that Gabbi was on a first name basis with the nurse. Then she remembered why. “Your friends with her sister.”

Emma nodded, having watched in slight amusement as Regina came to this conclusion. “Right. I have spent a lot of time in the Nunez household… I’ve seen Gabbi grow up.” Emma pauses, thinking of how to word what she is about to say.

Regina for her part did not know where she was going with this. She watched as Emma seemed to be opening up to her, however lightly.

“Insensitive imbeciles call it ‘gaydar’, I call it factual intuition. I have... hunches based off what I see. It just… doesn’t surprise me.” She looks at me, seemingly trying to gauge my reaction.

Regina was begging to panic. Emma can sense when others are gay? Can she sense that she’s gay for her?

“Why are you telling me this?” Emma asked, bring Regina back in the moment.

“I checked in on her when I went in this morning. When I left, she was telling the minister.

“WHAT?!” Emma loudly gasped out, standing. Causing Regina to jump in her seat.

“She said she needed to tell them. She’s leaving.” Regina hastily explained, watching as Emma began to pace.

“Leaving is fine, but to tell them why? That’s brave of her, but unnecessary.” Emma said shaking her head in disbelief. She stopped pacing and pulled a cell phone out of her robe pocket. “I have to make a phone call… make yourself at home.” She said as she walked past the bed into what Regina assumed to be a bathroom given that the door on the opposite side had been her closet. “Ava, your sister-“ Regina heard Emma begin before the door shut completely.

Regina looked around her, now able to get a more detailed look at everything without fear of being caught by Emma. She could hear Emma’s voice through the door, but could not make out what was being said. She stood up from the small table, stretching her legs. She began to meander around, trying not to be to creepy in her assessment of the place. The sole window in the room was a large floor-to-ceiling, and spanned from the small dining table ending halfway of the bed. It was covered with a large shade that was currently pulled all the way down. Regina imagined that one could lay on the bed and have a nice view of the wooded area behind the dorms.

Regina walked over to the part of the window that was closest to the bed and pulled the shade aside. Just as she thought, she had a nice view of the woods. She let the shade fall back into place, and looked behind her. Her eyes shyly examined the bed. This is where Emma slept. The sheets were wrinkled, and teal colored. She wondered what Emma’s pillow smelled like. Regina loves the way her own pillow smells, she takes it wherever she sleeps. She bets, she would like Emma’s.

Regina was about to head back to the table, when something on the edge of the bedsheet caught her eye. She went to get a closer look, on the edge of the blanket was a bright red smudge. Regina reached out to get a closer look, then thought better of it. There was something about the color of it though.

Suddenly the bathroom door opened, with Emma strolling out looking at her phone. Regina turned quickly, making it look like she was studying Emma’s bookshelf instead of her bed. Emma must have seen her because she walked over to her.

“See anything interesting?” She asked standing next to Regina, looking over her own bookshelf.

Yes, there is a bright red smudge on your bed cover. Regina just looked at Emma and smiled before she made her way back to her seat. “How’d that conversation go?” She asked, ignoring Emma’s question about the shelf.

“I gave Ava a heads up. They’re really close, those sisters, I’m sure if Gabbi had a cell she would have told her by now.” Emma says, taking her seat as well. She placed her phone on the table, with the screen facing up.

Regina nodded. It got quiet. Emma looked at Regina expectedly. “I feel like there was more you wanted to talk about?” Emma prodded.

Regina looked at her and smiled a small smile. Yes, there was more. However, she was beginning to lose what little nerve she had. Emma seemed so, open-minded though. Of course, she knew she was based from their many conversations. She felt heat setting into her body, creeping up her neck. She can do this. “I didn’t kiss her back.”

Instead of getting a look of surprise from Emma, she got a look of aloofness. “You don’t have to explain anything to me.” Emma said, taking on the tone she experienced outside the bar.

“I know I don’t. I just want you to know. I didn’t kiss her and I didn’t want to be kissed by _her_.” Regina explained, the heat from her neck now fully around her face. She wondered if Emma would question the pronunciation of the last _her_.

Emma narrowed her eyes, looking at her with consideration. She leaned back and nodded. “Ok.” She said nothing else, just continued to look at Regina with her brows furrowed in thought.

“Ok.” Regina said with a nod. So, Emma knows that she didn’t want the kiss with Gabbi. Her goal for coming here was to make sure she knew that. But, she still felt… unfinished, and she didn’t want to leave just yet.

“Was there anything else?” Emma asked softly. She seemed to pick up on the fact that Regina wasn’t quite done.

“Gabbi said… Nurse Sullivan helped her. Gabbi told her about… being gay. She said they talked it through, and that Sullivan helped her ‘figure it out’.” Regina said, glancing between the tabletop and Emma. Was she really doing this? Was she really about to tell Emma about her feelings for her? She didn’t really know where she was going with this.

Emma for her part, was taking it all in stride. She nodded in understanding, and took a moment before responding. “Nurses are trained to help others, not only physically but mentally as well.” She continued examining Regina. “Do you feel like you… need to talk through anything. Remember, anything you say stays between us.”

They had maintained eye contact during the last few sentences. Regina could tell that Emma’s tone had switched from a friendly concerned, to more of a professionally concerned. She found that she wanted to talk with Emma about her feelings, but she felt that it would be obvious those feelings were for her.

She was not ready to tell Emma she had feelings for her. Especially since she had no idea what Emma thought of her. Well she did have some idea. Emma probably thought of her as the teenage wannabe nun who helps around the infirmary (which she was). Regina gathered herself. No, there is no way she can tell Emma she to is struggling with her sexuality without revealing that the nurse is the cause.

Before Regina could decide how she was going to respond to Emma, the phone on the table began to buzz. Both ladies startled and quickly looked at the cell. Before Emma could snatch the phone up, Regina got a glance at who was calling. The name that was listed; Dr. Bootycall. The picture that popped up with the name, was one of Dr. Lucas sticking out her tongue and the middle finger.

Regina’s jaw clenched. That ugly feeling, she now recognizes as jealousy settling in the pit of her stomach. Instead of answering the call, Emma declined it at quickly began texting. “I can go, if you hav-“

Emma stopped texting and looked up to Regina. Her cheeks were tinged pink, probably having guessed that Regina had seen the screen. “No. Sorry, let me just respond to this then I’m all ears.” She interrupted. She looked back at her phone and finished the message.

Well, at least she got an answer without having to flat out ask. Regina knows what a bootycall is, she’s 18 not 80. So, what the Dr. yelled out last night was true, they spent time in bed together. Thinking about the doctor, Regina was reminded of her makeup. She realized the shade of red that she found smeared on Emma’s bedsheet, matched the lipstick Dr. Lucas had (in Regina’s opinion) overly applied the night before. She’s never seen Emma wear makeup, and she seriously doubted if she did she would sport a bold red lipstick. It had to belong to the Dr. The jealousy was feeling more like sickness. Regina found herself feeling letdown for some reason. Logically she knows Emma doesn’t owe her anything, they are not a couple. But, she couldn’t help but feel disappointed in her.

She could choose to take comfort in the fact that the listed name was not a term of endearment. Surely if the two were in a relationship, Emma would have her listed as just her name or a pet name. She felt like she was grasping at straws, trying to give herself any reason to believe Emma was available.

Emma finally looked up from her phone, placing it back on the tabletop, face side down this time. “I’m sorry for the interruption. Where were we?” She asked, straightening her posture and leaning forward in interest.

Regina nodded off the apology, and cleared her throat while also straightening her posture. She took a moment more to contain herself, making eye contact with Emma. “Are you gay?” She uncontrollably blurted out. She regretted the question before she had even finished uttering it.

Emma visibly recoiled at the random, somewhat intrusive question. Her brows had rose in surprise as she sat back in her chair. Regina felt that her facial expression was just as surprised looking as Emma’s. However, after a moment Emma’s expression grew serious.

“What would make you think that?” She asked in a calm tone, keeping her eyes on Regina’s face.

“I’m sorry.” Regina apologized, her own expression and tone turning from surprise to solemn. She crossed a line. “I should go.” She said as she went to stand.

Before she could, Emma stopped her by reaching out to place a hand on her shoulder. She applied a light pressure causing her to remain seated. “Please don’t.” Silence followed, in which time Emma began to gnaw on her lower lip. “Why would you ask me that Regina?” She rephrased her last question while releasing Regina’s shoulder, assured she would remain seated.

Emma looked at her with a look of concern. Regina feared that she had or is about to upset Emma even more. She did not want to be the cause of upset. She didn’t know how to answer her. She had to say something though. “Dr. Lucas?”

Emma’s expression changed to understanding. “You caught what she said before you left I gather?”

Regina shyly nodded. “And… I saw who just called.” She said looking down at her lap.

“Ahh. This is… awkward.” Emma says causing Regina to look at her. Emma took a deep breath, running her hands through her hair. “I feel like we are… friends. Right?”

Regina eagerly nodded her head in the affirmative. “Yes, I consider you a friend even though I technically work for you.” She said, with a small shy smile.

“Right. With that in mind. Yes. I am… gay. Please do not advertise this information.” Emma said, in a lightly pleading tone.

“I would never tell anyone.” Regina quickly assured her. She could not believe Emma was so quick to reveal herself to her. She knew Emma was inclined towards women, she just needed to hear it. She felt the spark between them, and the interactions between her and Dr. Lucas had to be more than just friends. “You two… are a couple?” She brought the conversation back to the doctor.

“No. We’re just friends.” Emma stated, although her face was reddening. Regina could tell she was not telling her everything, but she didn’t want to push. However, she did give her a doubtful look.

Emma cleared her throat, “We’re close. Sometimes she… we… keep each other company.” Emma finished, her blush in full force. She pushed her chair out and went to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water. She sat and began drinking deeply.

“Sexual company?” Regina pressed on, causing Emma to choke on a bit of water herself.

Clearing her throat, Emma didn’t verbally respond, only providing her answer with a light nod in the affirmative.

Regina watched her movements. She knows their conversation is personal and somewhat inappropriate, and that she was lucky Emma hadn’t kicked her out yet. Still, she wished Emma would be more direct with her. A wish she would soon regret making.

Emma sat her drink down, “I answered your questions. Can I ask you a question now?” Emma asks. Curiosity mixed with concern swirling in her eyes which are now making contact with Regina’s.

Regina nodded her head, “Sure. It’s only fair.”

“Are _you_ gay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments and kudos.  
> Cliffhangers... it's a love/hate relationship right?


	13. Friends

Really, she should have seen this coming. Conversely, she really didn’t think Emma had it in her to ask such a personal, direct, question. She was wrong. And now Emma was looking at her calmly yet expectantly, awaiting her response.

Her first instinct was to laugh (almost hysterically) and deny. Deny, deny, deny. If she told Emma the truth, but expressed that she wanted to stay, Emma could report her. She could be escorted off the ministry’s grounds in a walk of shame. Realistically she knew Emma wouldn’t do that to her, not only because their friends? but also because she is a medical professional and just promised confidentiality.

Still, she didn’t want to be judged. Not that she thought Emma would _judge_ her for questioning the sexuality she just discovered. No, she felt that she would be judged for the fact that she knew she would ultimately not make her final vows, yet still wanted to stay for now. Instead of removing herself like Gabbi, she was selfishly taking time to figure things out. 

“I…” She had no idea how she was going to finish this sentence. That is a loaded question. Is she gay? Technically… yes. She _like_ likes Emma, in a way she has never liked anyone ever before and Emma _is_ a female. But, does she qualify as _gay_ or _lesbian_? She’s never found another girl sexually appealing before, nor a man for that matter. It wasn’t until she met Emma that feelings of wanting to be physically and emotionally close (in more ways than one) sprung up. “I don’t know.” She finished somewhat quizzically yet honestly.

Emma for her part only nodded, keeping the look of openness and concern firmly planted on her face. “Please, don’t feel like I’m pushing you, if you’d like me to drop it, just let me know.” She paused giving Regina the opportunity to restrict the topic.

Regina shook her head, “Go ahead.” She was feeling safe for now, and if Emma could help her sort out some things, she would appreciate the help.

“What exactly do you mean by ‘I don’t know’?” Emma calmly questions.

Regina examined Emma’s posture and tone, she recognized Emma was in ‘nursing mode’. How can she explain herself?

“I find myself… questioning. When I’ve never _questioned_ anything before.” Regina states, unsatisfied with how she verbalized her situation.

Emma nods again. Regina is guessing it’s because she doesn’t know how to respond. “Regina, can you express what exactly you mean by saying you find yourself ‘questioning’?”

Regina is beginning to get anxious. Emma wants details, she wants to go in depth. She is not ready to reveal to much about her muddled feelings. Especially when Emma is in nurse mode and not friend mode. “Really, I should be going. Thanks for letting me in to talk”. This time she stood up from the table without Emma interfering. Regina quickly made her way to the door.

“Regina, wait!” Emma called, following her.

Regina stopped, with her hand on the knob ready to turn and make her exit. She turned and faced Emma with a nervous, ‘go ahead’ expression, choosing to hear her out and keep her eye contact.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable in any way. You don’t have to talk to me, but you really should talk to someone. I can see that these feelings are not sudden, they have been on your mind, right?” Emma asks, gauging Regina’s reaction. Regina only nods, not trusting herself to say anymore at the moment.

“You should talk them out, if not with me, maybe another nurse, or a friend, or… the person that is causing you to question yourself.” Emma finishes, with a pleading sort of look.

Regina breaks the eye contact, choosing to focus on her shoes instead. “You could never make me feel uncomfortable.” She murmured, quickly stepping forward and surprising the both of them with a hug. It ended almost as soon as it began, she didn’t even give Emma a chance to hug her back. She immediately turned to leave throwing a “Goodbye Emma” behind her without looking back.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The following Monday after classes, Regina found herself walking along the pavement towards the cafeteria. She was accompanied by Candice and a few other girls. The news of Gabbi leaving had caused a lot of murmuring, but the actual reason had stayed under wraps.

_Her parents had not been up to visit yesterday, they had some neighbors wedding to attend. Considering she would not be having visitors, and that she was not up for seeing Emma after the way she left, she had informed the housing sister that she was feeling under the weather. She was excused from attending Sunday mass and her volunteer duties. She spent the day holed up in her room thinking of everything that has changed and that will inevitably change sooner rather than later. Her meals were provided to her room, and she was asked if the nurse should be sent for. She immediately and almost wildly rejected the offer._

_She was able to take the entire Sunday to focus entirely on her own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Most of that time was spent reexamining her visit to Emma’s room and the discussion that took place. She had felt so brave knocking on Emma’s door, but left feeling so… disappointed. Disappointed in herself._

_She thought a lot about how that visit to Emma’s room could have ended differently, had she opened up to her. She was thankful that she at least had enough guff to uncover the true nature of the nurse’s and doctor’s relationship. Seeing ‘Dr. Bootycall’ didn’t exactly help her resolve either. It was upsetting but not surprising to discover Emma was currently involved to some extent with the Dr. It did serve to be a small consolation to find she was interested in woman though… really small._

_Although she was unhappy to verify they had… relations, she was pleased to discover they were not an item. When she found herself smiling at the fact Emma was available, she would snap out of it. What does this information change? As if she had a chance with her? Even if she did, is she willing to risk everything? For all she knew her feelings for Emma could just be a catalyst for having feelings for others. What are the chances that her first crush would end up being her true love? Did she even believe in true love? She is realizing more and more how little she gave the subject any concern before Emma._

_She ended that free day with no answers. Like the last time she gave it this much thought, her only plan was to continue getting closer to Emma. This time however, she understood that she would need to be braver when things got intense between the two of them. She couldn’t continue to shut down or attempt to change the subject if she wanted to get anywhere. Her Sunday night ended like every night, with a prayer. This time however, she prayed for clarity concerning Emma and her feelings. Also, to have God’s will be done, whatever it may be._

Entering the cafeteria, Regina found herself looking for a blonde ponytail in the dinner line. She wanted to explain why she wasn’t there yesterday, even though she knew her absence was excused. However, today was not one of her volunteer days, and she was stuck in classes since 8 am. She knew the nurse’s shift change was around this time, and expected Emma to be grabbing her and Sullivan’s dinner.

Having not seen her, she continued with the group and ate her meal quietly. She needed to speak to Emma today, to apologize for her abrupt departure and to express how grateful she is that Emma deems it necessary to talk with her so candidly. Should she pay another visit to the nurse’s room? The last time she did so it was mid-day. Now however, it was late afternoon. If anyone saw her on the staff’s floor, she would be questioned.

Clearing off her tray in the trash, she decided she would covertly make her way to Emma’s room. She said goodbye to the girls, declining to study together in the common area. She claimed she was still feeling unwell, making her way to the dormitories alone. She first went back to her room to drop her bag off and to freshen up. A day of classes with her mind otherwise occupied had left her feeling, frazzled.

Once refreshed, she began to make her way to the staircase. The small elevator in the building was the main mode of transportation between floors, which meant the stairs were a safe bet. Again, Regina stood at Emma’s door, second guessing her previous reasoning for being there.

In the short time, she spent in her room, she had developed a goal though. She was determined to not leave Emma’s presence today without clarifying that they were more than just student and staff. She would tell Emma how much her company means to her, and see how Emma responds.

She knocked on the door. After a moment of no sound, she knocked again a bit louder. She looked around the hall, making sure no one was around. She was beginning to give up and make her way back to her room when the door in front of her quickly opened. Emma stood at the door wrapped in a robe with a towel draped over her wet hair covering most of her face, looking annoyed and rushed.

Regina’s eyes widened. Although Emma was more covered this time than she was the last, Regina was acutely aware of the fact that she was completely naked underneath the robe this time. Regina gulped at this realization. 

Upon seeing it was Regina, Emma’s annoyed expression morphed into one of concern. “Regina, what’s going on?” She asked, looking Regina up and down before glancing around the hall like she did last time.

“I’m sorry!” Regina blurted out. She herself didn’t know if she was referring to her abrupt behavior last time or for the disruption she had just obviously caused. “I can come back or-“

“No, it’s ok.” Emma interrupted, shifting the towel on her head to reveal more of her face. “Come in, please.” She stepped aside, allowing Regina to enter. This time the room was spotless, even the bed was perfectly made. “How are you feeling?”.

Regina looked at Emma confusedly before she remembered her excuse for not tending to the infirmary Sunday was that she was ill. “Oh umm. I’m fine, thanks. Sorry for barging in… again.”

Emma shook her apology off, “It’s fine, I’m beginning to think I’m the only staff up here really. I haven’t seen anyone else come in or out of the other rooms. The sisters stay together in a building attached to the back of the church. I’d ask who else is on the floor but I’m kinda afraid they’ll confirm my suspicions. They say this building is haunted you know?” Emma sort of rambled as she continued to dry her hair.

Regina watched her movements, her eyes roaming. With each move of Emma’s arms, the robe would slightly open. Regina found herself hoping the robe would open enough to get a glimpse of- NOPE. Not going there, Regina quickly looked away, a blush creeping up her neck.

Emma stopped toweling off and looked to Regina. “Sorry, just give me a minute to get settled. Please have a seat, grab something to drink if you want.” She offered as she made her way back to the bathroom in the far corner. Regina looked over the room again, deciding she was curious about what Emma had in her small refrigerator. Boxes of apple juice, an unopened wine bottle, lunchables, and chocolate pudding cups were the only inhabitants of the small, surprisingly organized refrigerator. It seemed that Emma had the appetite of a school aged child.

Regina grabbed a juice box and took the same seat she occupied last time. Last time she was here, she was perplexed by Emma’s state of dress. Now, her state of undress has given her imagination much more imagery to run wild with.

Emma came out of the bathroom dressed in sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt claiming ‘Nurses are big shots’ with a large syringe plastered on the front. Regina read over the shirt and scoffed at the word play.

Emma caught her laughing after looking over her shirt, and smiled. “It’s true!” She laughed, walking over to sit in front of Regina.

“I didn’t say anything.” Regina giggled.

Emma just smiled, “What can I do for you Regina?”

Regina straightened up, her giggling turning into throat clearing. “I wasn’t sick yesterday.” She began.

Emma didn’t seem surprised by her statement. “Ok. Why didn’t you report for your shift then?”

“I… I wasn’t feeling- I needed time to, think.” Regina stumbled out. “Saturday it- you… gave me a lot to think about.” She finished, making eye contact with Emma.

“Oh?” Emma asked, her eyebrows raising questioningly. “Did all that thinking bring you to any… conclusions?”

Regina nodded, a small smile forming at Emma’s roundabout way of asking her to continue. “Not really, no. But it did make me realize that…” She wanted to finish her sentence by saying she realized Emma was a friend but she was chickening out. What if Emma played off her friendship claim saying that it’s just part of the job. “That I’m lucky to have someone to talk to when they don’t really have to.” She chickened out, breaking eye contact. Glancing between Emma and the juice box on the table.

“Well I try. Being a young-ish female nurse, I try to be a go-to person for all candidates. All of you are making a life-altering decision, one that takes a lot of consideration and commitment. Us nurses try to help all the women that come through to work through their reasoning’s or reservations, to ensure they are on the right path.” Emma revealed, professionally passionate. 

Regina listened to her, feeling discouraged that Emma seemed to be helping her solely because she was a candidate in need, not on any kind of personal level. Emma seemed to pick up on her dismay. Emma reached out, placing a hand over Regina’s which happened to be fiddling with the juice box on the table. Regina stilled, her eyes connecting with Emma’s as her eyes widened in surprise. Emma offered her a small smile, keeping her hand over Regina’s.

“You can always talk to me you know? Having worked alongside each other and our hours of talking every time your there, I feel like I know you. I can tell when you are troubled.”

Regina stiffened at this. Does Emma really notice when she is lost in her own thoughts? Can she tell what her troubles are about? Emma seemed to take her stiffening the wrong way because she withdrew her hand, a blush forming on her cheeks.

“Sorry. I don’t mean to overstep, or… like I said last time. If you don’t want to talk to me, that’s ok. You should really talk to someone though. I guess it’s weird for you to talk to me about serious things, considering we’re more friends than nurse & patient.” Emma easily laughed out.

Regina’s eyes have been wide since Emma touched her hands. Now, they were wide and stunned. Emma just casually stated they were friends, seemingly without even thinking about it. “I’ve never had a… friend.” Regina dared to reveal. She looked at Emma then, and caught what she thought to be sympathy flash in her eyes. “Don’t feel sorry for me please. I’ve never wanted or needed one. But… meeting and working alongside you has made me realize… I would like to have someone. You. Specifically.” She finished, awkwardly clearing her throat.

Emma’s eyes broadened and she tilted her head with a warm smile on her face. “Hey, I’ve noticed how great we get along to and… I consider you to be a friend.” Emma said with a heartwarming smile, pity cleared from her eyes.

Regina kept their eye contact. Emma considered her a friend. Although she was ecstatic to hear that Emma saw her as more than just a student nun/volunteer, she couldn’t help the feeling of disappointment that nagged at the back of her mind. Emma saw her as a friend. Something she was hoping for is now leaving her feeling, unfulfilled. As she was looking at Emma, seeing her open expression, she realized something. Maybe she doesn’t feel satisfied by Emma’s friendship claim not because it was _only_ friendship. But because, she hasn’t let Emma in on a major aspect of herself. “I… I think I’m like Gabbi.” She announced, not having enough guts to say _gay_ , _queer_ , or _lesbian_.

Emma’s expression somewhat froze. Her brows were up in surprise, but it seemed she was attempting to not show emotion by not moving. “Ahh, how do you mean?” She asked, barely moving her mouth.

Regina narrowed her eyes at her. She knows what Emma is trying to do. She is trying to get her to say it out right. “I think I’m… a lesbian.” Regina states, quirking up the last word making it sound like a question even though it wasn’t. She promised herself she would push herself to be more open and forward when it came to Emma, now’s the time.

Emma’s hands came up to form a steeple in front of her mouth, she was seemingly in thought. “What do you mean when you say that you _think_ you are a lesbian?” She asked, her eyes lightly squinted in question.

“I’ve never thought about relationships before. I’ve never had feelings for anyone. Recently however, I’ve found myself… feeling… something for another girl. I don’t know what it means. If I think hard about it, I think I can imagine myself with a man. But, I don’t… fantasize? or think of them, in that way. I don’t think of women in that way either really. Just this one…” Regina rambled trying to get her point across. “And I know it’s terrible, I am supposed to be preparing to say vows. But, I’ve come to the realization that… I ultimately will not be able to make those vows, not with these feelings and thoughts in my head. And I don’t know what to do.” She was on a roll, why not let Emma know practically everything (except that she’s the ‘girl’ causing her turmoil).

Emma listened to her without interrupting. “Regina. It’s ok to not know what you want.” She said with a small smile and a light shake of her head. “You don’t have to have everything figured out just now. You have… feelings… for a girl, ones that you’ve never had for a male, right?” She checked in with Regina.

Regina nodded her head.

“But you… feel that you might… eventually be attracted to a man?” Emma asked.

Regina nodded again, slightly slower this time.

“Ok. You should have sex with a woman.” Emma bluntly stated.

“Ohhh” Regina gasped out breathlessly. Images of her and Emma falling into bed for the sake of testing a hypothesis filtered through her mind.

“Then have sex with a man.” Emma continued.

“Oh.” Regina choked out in revulsion.

“Then compare the two, see which you prefer.” Emma offers with quirked brows and an awkward smile.

Regina cleared her throat. “I don’t think- uhh that sounds…”

“Keep in mind I’m speaking to you as a friend, not a nurse. You said you’ve never given this subject much thought. And now you have feelings for a woman but you don’t know if you are _gay_. Well, this would be a way to, determine where your preferences lay. Sexually anyway.” Emma offers.

Regina really didn’t know how to respond. She couldn’t see herself sleeping with others period, much less sleeping with them for research. Besides, she knew her reason for saying she didn’t know if she was gay wasn’t because she was interested in men in the slightest. She knew her reasoning was because she couldn’t say she was interested in _women_. It was only Emma. The only label she feels would fit would be to call herself an Emma-sexual. She can’t tell the nurse this of course. Emma would look at her like she’s a deranged stalker.

After moments of silence, Emma figured she wouldn’t be getting a response out of Regina concerning the experiment she just proposed. “This girl you mentioned, I assume it’s someone here considering you don’t leave the grounds.” It wasn’t a question but Emma was looking at her curiously.

Regina was panicking. Emma was trying to discover who she was talking about. But, she did give her an out. She could say it was someone from the ministry. It could be one of the other candidates or the girls who’ve said their temporary vows, it could even be another member of the faculty or staff. She nodded her head in the affirmative, hoping that would omit the need to verbally lie to her.

Emma seemingly accepted her response. “That’s surprisingly surprising. Gotta say this candidate class has above average homosexual related drop outs.” She laughed out, looking to Regina.

Regina squinted her eyes and lips tilting her head, not laughing along at the apparent joke Emma made.

Emma stopped laughing with a throat clearing. “Not funny, sorry. Right, ok. Look, you don’t have to name her and you don’t need to suddenly leave like Gabbi did. Just- take the time to figure out what you are going to do. If you feel that your feelings may be reciprocated, you should talk to her. Then the both of you can plan for the future.”

“I can’t tell her.” Regina snapped. “Whatever happens, I need to figure it out on my own. I need to-

“Regina, settle down. Look, speaking as your friend, you need to calm down. I know it feels like everything you know is upside down. Coming out to yourself can sometimes be scarier than coming out to others. But, you need to remember you don’t have to do anything on your own. You have your family, and you have me.” Emma placates, looking deeply into Regina’s eyes.

They began to talk about what Regina had missed yesterday. Regina then went into how she spent her Sunday (without going into great detail). The conversation then digressed as they usually do. The time must have been ticking away because when Emma checked the time on her phone she audibly gasped. It was nearing 10 pm. It was time to make her way back to her room.

Making the short way to the door, Regina heard Emma right behind her. She turned to her to say a final goodbye, not expecting Emma to be so close. They both lightly laughed at their almost collision.

“Well, I expect to see you tomorrow. Right?” Emma checks.

“Right, yes, of course.” Regina responded with a head nod.

“Great.” Regina saw Emma coming forward but didn’t expect her to grab ahold of her. Before she knew it, Emma had her arms wrapped around her. Emma’s hugging her. THIS IS A HUG. Regina quickly wrapped her arms around Emma to reciprocate. This hug lasted longer than last time. She could appreciate the feel of Emma’s body against hers this time. She could smell Emma’s fruity smelling hair that she could feel was still damp from what little brushed against her cheek. This was different then their last hug because Emma not only initiated it, she was an active participant this time.

Emma pulled back, keeping her arms around her. “We’ll figure it out. You aren’t the first candidate to have an epiphany about themselves and ultimately withdraw from the program.” She stated, smiling before stepping away from Regina.

Regina nodded, she heard what Emma said but she was still thinking about the way Emma’s arms felt around her. “Thank you.” She got out, while Emma opened the door for her departure. She stepped out into the hall, turning to Emma again. “Goodbye.” She offered, feeling her blush that was caused from the hug.

Emma held the door open and offered her a smile. “Goodnight Regina.”

Regina stood in the hall with a smile, facing the door as it slowly and softly clicked shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you spot the The Office reference?


	14. Happy Holidays

A couple of months have passed with Emma and Regina steadily building on their friendship. This now included hugs on some hellos, and nearly every goodbye. Ever since that illuminating night, Emma often checked in with Regina when it was their down time. Regina however was still treading the fine line between omitting and lying. Emma occasionally poked around, subtly questioning the identity and the disposition of the ‘girl’ Regina’s supposedly into. On those occasions, Regina would become fidgety and change the subject. Emma would immediately drop it, contributing Regina’s aversion of the topic to residual shame rather than guessing the real reason. Regina also hadn’t made another visit to Emma’s room. Their interactions only took place on the days when she worked at the infirmary or when Emma decided to relax in the common area.

In previous years, the church would have all the candidates volunteering their holidays at soup kitchens and the like. This year however, Thanksgiving was the only mandatory volunteer holiday. Christmas was fast approaching and those who did not volunteer to stay, are being allowed to go home for a week. Regina had considered volunteering to stay, reluctant to be away from Emma for that long of time. The quota of volunteers had been met surprisingly quickly though. The choice to go or stay now out of her hands.

Regina spent some time thinking on what being home would entail. She did miss her parents, and will enjoy her time at home with them. However, there was only so much to talk about considering they visited every week. At least she would be back in her room, with all her beloved books and her computer. While she never really used the PC for anything but school and prayer, perhaps now she could utilize it in other ways… for research and planning.

She had an idea, a dream really. She didn’t look forward to her time at the infirmary _just_ because that meant time with Emma. She genuinely enjoyed the work. While she mainly did janitorial tasks, the atmosphere and watching the nurses as they worked, fascinated her. Regina was beginning to take the field of nursing much more seriously as an option.

Regina wrote a to-do-list of things she wanted/needed to research: nursing programs in the area, rental properties in the area, employment opportunities, how to make your friend love you, Emma Swan RN. Admittedly her list quickly digressed… but, this would be the first time in months she’d be in front of unrestricted technology. She planned on taking advantage of that.

This Sunday, church services were scheduled for later in the evening. This was done so that the families of those leaving could attend services, and take the candidates home straight after. Announcements of the family welcome Christmas service were handed out last Sunday during the family visits. Her parents enthusiastically agreed to attend the last Mass before Christmas, and expressed their excitement that she would be home again.

After a particularly busy Sunday working at the infirmary, Regina had just finished taking out the trash. Looking around the small medical area, she made sure everything was situated. Finding everything suitable, she made her way to Emma’s office to say goodbye. When she reported for the day earlier, they had caught up and goofed off before Emma handed her the task list. Now all that was left was to say Merry Christmas, get her hug, and say goodbye.

Walking the small hallway that led to the back office, Regina could see the office door open revealing Emma, typing away on her computer. Regina automatically broke out into a smile. She stopped at the doorway, Emma hadn’t noticed her. She watched as the nurse worked. Emma had told her earlier that she was working on yet another grant, this time convincing an “old geezer who needs to write us into his will because you can’t take it with you when you croak, the old bastard” as Emma had put it. Regina smiled at the memory of Emma’s frustration. Deciding to interrupt her work, she dramatically cleared her throat to get her attention. Emma looked up immediately, her fingers still typing as she blankly looked at Regina. Regina knew what this was, Emma was finishing typing a sentence. Sure enough, after a few more keystrokes, the blankness cleared. Emma sat back from the computer, blinking her eyes and looking at the time.

“Quitting time.” She said with a tired grin.

“Yup. Just wanted to say Merry Christmas and see you next-next week.” Regina told her with a laugh.

“Wait, I uhhh, I actually have something for you.” Emma said as she leaned forward and began to fumble around in the bottom drawer of her desk.

Regina waited, not thinking anything of it. She thought Emma was referring to some last-minute infirmary related task. Her eyebrows rose and her mouth opened in shock and awe however, when Emma pulled out a small, neatly wrapped box. “Is that for me?” Regina asked, her shock evident in her voice.

“Of course, it would be kinda rude to tell you I have something _for_ you and then ask you to drop it off to someone else on your way out.” Emma scoffed with an eye roll, holding the box out to her.

Despite Emma’s cheek, Regina was experiencing a surge of warmth flooding her body. To think that Emma actually went out of her way to get her something. Not only to buy something, but to wrap it as well. That meant, Emma was thinking about her when they were not together. Regina recognized this feeling, she had felt it often with her pet cat that she had when she was in junior high. When the kitten would hiss, or tumble about, Regina would feel this warmth. It was that she found the kitten adorable, she’s never had this feeling towards a person though. She found Emma absolutely adorable. To the point that she felt she wanted to pepper her face in kisses, much like she did with the kitten. She reigned herself in however, instead reaching for the offered gift.

“You can open it later if you want, I understand.” Emma offered with an awkward small smile.

Confused, Regina asked, “What do you mean you understand”?

“Well, it’s kinda awkward getting surprise gifts from people don’t you think? When I get gifts like that I prefer to open them up when I’m alone. I’m not good with my facial expressions and I don’t want to hurt anyone sooo… I get it if you want to wait until your back in your room.” Emma explains with an understanding countenance.

“Emma, I don’t know what it is, but I’m sure I’m going to love it no matter what it is.” Regina truthfully stated, holding the small box as if it was fragile.

Emma quirked her head to the side with a frown that was struggling to be a smile. “Aww shucks.” She laughed out. “Well then… you gonna open it?”

Regina nodded and began to delicately unwrap the small box. She was wondering what it could be. For a box this small, she could only imagine jewelry. An image of an engagement ring flashed in her mind’s eye, causing her to shake her head to rid herself of that impossibility. With the wrapping off, she saw the box was in fact a jewelry box with a labeled lid. She looked to Emma, and saw her expression displayed cautious scrutiny. She offered her a small smile before looking back down to open the small gift. In the center of the velvet inside, a small cross laid there with her birthstone placed in the middle of the intersecting gold lines. It looked similar to hers, apart from the birthstone of course. She looked to Emma again, offering her a wide, heartfelt, thankful smile. The fact that Emma knew her birthstone was not a surprise, one of their conversations involved birthdays and astrological signs. What she was surprised about however, was that Emma remembered and bought something customized to her. “Emma… I don’t know what to say.” She said truthfully with watery eyes. She wanted to thank her but that felt like it wouldn’t suffice. If she went into how much it actually meant to her, she would reveal herself.

“You haven’t even seen the best part.” Emma exclaimed as she stood and stepped around her desk to stand in front of Regina. Taking the box from Regina’s hands she carefully withdrew the cross from its velvet holding. She wrapped an arm around Regina and pulled her towards the small lamp that was in the corner of the office, holding the cross towards the lightbulb.

Although Regina had grown somewhat use to the reactions Emma’s touch caused to her body, she couldn’t help but to stiffen slightly. Emma seemed to not notice, looking at Regina with an expectant expression, holding the cross between two fingers and holding it up to her eye. “Look through the stone.” She excitedly instructed her.

Regina quirked her brows, confused. She watched as Emma demonstrated by holding the cross in front of her own eye. She then held the necklace up to Regina, indicating she do the same. She took it from Emma and placed the stone in front of her eye, facing the light like Emma had done. At first, all she could make out was print of some sort. After some adjusting, the print became clear: “Find yourself then find me”. Regina’s breath hitched once she read the words. She quickly looked to Emma with a stunned expression. Had Emma guessed her feelings? Was this her way of telling her it was okay, or that her feelings were reciprocated? Looking at Emma’s face though, she had the feeling Emma intended nothing of the sort. Regina didn’t know if she should feel relieved or frustrated that Emma seemingly got her a gift that was so… suited? to the predicament she found herself in.

Emma was looking at her in a “so how do you like it” matter. “Do you like it? I noticed you wear that gold cross every day and thoug-“

“I love it!” Regina interrupted, laughing at the way she surprised Emma with her abruptness. She didn’t want to give Emma any reason to believe she didn’t 100% love the present despite her not knowing exactly what it entails.

Emma broke out into a smile that made Regina’s heart burst. “I’m really glad you like it! I was kinda nervous to give it to you honestly.” Emma’s smile not waning, despite Regina looking at her with an almost aghast expression.

It seemed that Emma was toying with her emotions. Emma had to know what this gift would mean to her. If she was nervous about Regina’s reaction, then that must meant she knew her feelings. The first part of the quote, “find yourself” a clear association to Regina’s questioning sexuality and all around general confusion to where her life is heading. Along with the second half of the quote, “then come find me”. It would seem that once Regina figures herself out, she would then be more capable and ready to join Emma in a… romantic way? Or does she really mean in a friendly/ companionship kind of way? She may not know a lot about friendship, but friends don’t say things like that to each other… do they? Choosing not to jump the gun in her assumption, she decided to tread carefully around Emma at the moment.

“Emma… why were you nervous?” She asked warily.

Emma’s large smile became smaller, nervousness becoming apparent. She cleared her throat. “Well… I was afraid you might take it the wrong way.”

Regina exhaled rather loudly. The wrong way? That’s exactly what happened. Regina took an inch and made it a mile. Of course, Emma didn’t mean anything sentimental by her gift. “What way do you want me to take it?” Regina dared to ask since she was left feeling a bit confused.

Emma looked confused now, having thought Regina had gotten the message. “The way it’s meant.” She said slowly. Seeing that Regina was waiting for more of an explanation, she continued. “I read that quote and thought of you. Of your situation, really. I’ve found that the women who ultimately decide the program isn’t for them struggle with their faith during the process. I know I’m just a nurse, but I try to… reassure everyone that just because you’re leaving the program, that doesn’t mean you’re leaving your faith. “Find yourself” like, you know, figure yourself out. “then come find me” like then, return to God.” Emma finished her explanation with a light clearing of her throat, her gaze flickering between Regina and the cross in Regina’s hands.

Regina was way off. She had immediately assumed the end of the quote referred to Emma, when it actually meant her faith. She was just thankful she didn’t voice her interpretation of the quote to Emma, that would have been awkward.

“What way did you take it?” Emma warily asked, before continuing cringing her left eye. “I didn’t offend you or overstep or anything, did I?”

“No Emma of cour- you didn’t, you couldn’t.” Regina reassured her. “I guess I misunderstood, but rest assured… this is the best gift I have ever gotten from anyone. In fact, this is the only present I’ve received from someone besides my parents.” She said, looking down at the cross. They had remained standing next to the lamp in the corner of the office. Regina grabbed the jewelry box from Emma’s desk and began to replace the necklace in its holding.

The atmosphere in the little office was tense. Emma didn’t know why exactly, but there was tension of some sort. Emma stood there, examining Regina as she moved around the small office. She was mulling over Regina’s words and the situation. Regina didn’t seem… herself. She seemed so happy when she unwrapped the box. She had even seemed happy albeit, shocked when she looked through the cross’s stone. But there was no happiness when Emma explained what the quote means to her. 

“Regina. Something is wrong, I just don’t know what it is.” Emma implored.

Regina kept her head down, choosing to toy around with the wrapping rather then make eye contact with Emma.

“I’m not great with nonverbal communication… if something is wrong, I need you to voice it.” Emma sternly cautioned.

Regina took a deep breath, keeping her back to her. “I just thought… I thought that it meant to come back to _you_.” She revealed with her eyes closed, lightly shaking her head.

Emma looked at her puzzled. “Back to me? I don’t… what?” She asked completely confused.

“It’s stupid”, Regina shook her head instantly regretting saying anything. She needs to make an escape before she ruins everything, “I better get going, my parents will be here soon”. She went to leave, before she felt Emma grasp her wrist effectively stopping her.

“Hey. Nothing is _stupid_. I think I know.” Emma softly said, removing her hand from Regina’s wrist.

“You do?” Regina asked, her body stiffening in anticipation of rejection.

“Yeah. You think that just because you leave, that’ll mean we’ll stop talking- being friends.” Emma breathed out, immediately shaking her head in the negative.

Regina deflated, choosing not to say anything. She’ll let Emma come up with her own conclusion, and agree to it so she can make her escape.

Emma stepped closer to her, ensuring they were making eye contact. “Regina, you should know that is not going to happen.” Emma chided, reaching out and rubbing Regina’s upper arms. “We are confirmed friends, I will always be here for you no matter what you decide to do. Your stuck with me as your confidant.” Emma teased.

Regina blushed at the contact, knowing Emma meant to be comforting. Nothing more. Although it is not what she meant, she truly appreciates Emma’s words. She is essentially saying that she will always be there for her. She offers Emma a small shy smile. “Thank you again. Really, I love it. I wish I had something to give you.”

Emma immediately shook her head, “Don’t worry about it, you don’t need to get me anything.”

Regina found it a little odd that Emma continued to rub her arms. She enjoyed it mind you, it was just… odd. “Well, actually. I do have _something_ I can give you…” Regina playfully offered.

Emma rose a brow in question, the arm rubbing immediately stopping as she took a step back. “Oh?” She asked with a confused smile. “I didn’t see you bring anything in with you.” She said squinting her eyes in question.

“That’s because your gift is a hug.” Regina offers with a smile.

Emma’s eyes un-squint as realization hits. “Ohhhhh, well see that’s why I hate gift giving.” Emma huffed. Confusion evident in Regina’s expression she continued. “You buy someone a present, then they give you something better than what you got them. So, then you’re left having to one up them next time. I can’t be left owing anyone anything you know.” Emma playfully pouts and huffs, crossing her arms.

God this woman is the cutest, most adorable-st person she has ever met. She could switch between a serious conversation, to acting like a petulant child while saying the most charming things all within the span of seconds. “I’m going to miss you during the break.” Regina admitted while tucking the small box into her coat.

Emma relaxed her pout and her arms down to her side. She offered a half smirk. “Me to.”

They stood there looking at each other for a moment in silence. Regina smiled before stepping close. “Well, here is your Christmas present.” She said as she held out her arms gesturing for a hug.

Emma chuckled shaking her head at Regina while stepping into the open arms. Emma wrapped her own arms around Regina’s waist, as Regina closed her arms around her shoulders. They stood there for a moment in each other’s embrace. Regina figured since it was a gift, it should last longer than their usual hugs. Emma seemed to have no complaints since she didn’t move to end the hug either.

Their hugs so far have typically lasted around 5 seconds give or take (not that she was counting). This one however, was nearly 30 before Regina called it. With a quick last squeeze, she stepped back out of the embrace. “A squeeze for good measure.” She explained at seeing Emma’s amused smile. “Merry Christmas Emma.” She turned to make her way into the hall.

“I’ll walk you out.” Emma says following her. They got to the infirmary exit when Emma dramatically cleared her throat.

Regina halted at the door turning to Emma, the throat clearing obviously fake in an effort for Regina to look back. Emma stepped to stand by the door. “Well aren’t you going to say goodbye?” She asked, with mischief evident in her eyes.

“I thought we just did, you know back there, not even a minute ago… are you having a stroke?” Regina’s tone began confused but ended teasingly.

“No. If you recall, that hug was my Christmas present. I require an entirely _different,_ additional hug as our goodbye.” Emma leaned forward and back with a jump and a smirk.

Regina squinted her eyes with a smile, a feeling of excitement and fun welling up in her chest. Emma was asking for more physical contact with her. This made Regina think that Emma had to have some sort of underlying feelings or ulterior motives. Friends don’t joke around like this… do they?

Acting like it was an inconvenience Regina conceded. “Fine, I guess that makes sense. Let’s get it over with. Ugh, can’t believe you make me hug you so much.” She huffed out with an eye roll jokingly.

As she was watching Emma’s expression, she saw that it changed from the mischievous smirk to a worried frown. She began shaking her head, “Regina, of course you don’t have to hug me again. Or at all! Sorry, I didn’t realiz-”

“Are you kidding? Emma! I’m the one who gave you a hug as your Christmas present. Clearly, I have no issue with hugging you. I was just joking. I could hug you all day every… day.” Regina broke off that last sentence. She had been so focused on comforting her that words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

Emma’s frown nevertheless turned into a small smile. “Well that won’t be necessary. But thanks… you better get going.” Although Emma had a smile, Regina could tell she still felt uncomfortable

Regina breathed out a sigh of relief. “Right.” She stepped up to Emma and wrapped her arms around her waist, causing Emma to be the one to place her arms around Regina’s upper body. This hug was quicker than “Regina’s present”, but Regina savored it knowing she wouldn’t see the nurse for an entire week.

They parted, unwrapping themselves and offering each other parting smiles. Emma stood at the door, watching Regina make her way to the dining hall. She had started doing that weeks ago, Regina noticed. When Regina asked her about it, Emma blushed and explained it was because it was getting darker earlier. At her confused face, Emma went on clarify it was to ensure Regina made it to where she was going safely.

That had caused Regina to become elated at the time. It was refreshing and somewhat exciting to know that Emma was _that_ concerned for her. At least, until she realized Emma did that with any/all visitors who left during the twilight hours on her shift.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Regina broke into a big smile as her eyes fell upon her parents in the crowd. Her Dad was wearing a candy cane striped tie with his suit. Her Mom, was dressed in her signature conservative black dress, but if you looked closer you could see a broach near her left shoulder that displayed interlocking candy canes. She made her way towards them, dragging her small suitcase alongside her. When they saw her, they broke into smiles and walked towards her. After their embraces and hellos, Regina’s Dad took her bag and they made their way into the church. They quickly found seats, placing the case under their pew. The church was abuzz with chatter as those with families sat with them and caught up.

“You both know this isn’t a Christmas _party_ , don’t you?” Regina asked giggling at her parents.

“You know how your father is Regina.” Cora said with an eye roll.

“Me! You’re the one who put on that broach first!” Henry vehemently revealed.

“Yes, this _small, tasteful_ nod to the holiday. _Not_ that God awful, tacky tie.” Cora scoffed.

“Mother!” Regina scolded, “Please don’t take the Lord’s name in vain here.” She said with wide eyes, looking around to see if anyone was listening to them. Cora and Henry both huffed, although Regina could see that they both were fighting to contain smirks.

Services began, bringing everyone’s attention to the front. The Minister went over the candidates’ progress. Sisters came out to explain how the Church had been aiding the community. The sermon focused on the typical Christmas related scriptures. The service ended with the choir singing Silent Night. They all stood to leave at the same time, causing quiet a foot traffic jam in front of the Church. It also didn’t help that a lot of families were stopping to catch up and well-wish others. As the Mills family were attempting to make their way back to the family car, a blonde stepped into their path causing the Mills to stop in their tracks.

The blonde nurse looked happily at each member of the Mills. Cora and Henry both looked at the obstacle in their path with timid smiles, wondering why this woman was just standing there. Regina’s eyes kept roaming over the blonde’s entire body. Gone were the worn chucks and black scrubs. In their place, was a knee-length emerald green dress skirt, a ¾ sleeve garnet top, and garnet colored 3in pumps to match. Emma was holding a small black clutch to her side. An outfit had never caused such a reaction in Regina before. Her eyes kept jumping around Emma’s body so much, trying to memorize any and everything. Finally, her jumping eyes landed on Emma’s face. Instead of the usually messy ponytail, her hair was down in soft-looking, perfectly coiled ringlets that ran just past her shoulders. Looking at her face, Regina found that she was wearing light and tasteful makeup. Lastly, she noticed the stunning face had a shy smile and an expectant eyebrow propped up.

“Well Regina, aren’t you going to say hello back and introduce us?” Cora elbowed her daughter who had been looking at the blonde as if she had never seen her before.

Apparently while she was taking Emma’s appearance in, she had missed Emma’s greeting of, “Hi Regina, is this your family?”. Regina jerked from her mother’s light elbowing, and switch gazes between her parents and Emma. This was weird, like two worlds colliding.

“Emma, hello. Yes, these are my parents. My father Henry Mills, and my mother Cora Mills.” Regina introduced her parents, gesturing to them respectively. Emma stepped forward and offered a handshake and a genuine smile to each of them as Regina made the introduction. “Mom, Dad, this is Emma Swan. She is the head nurse of the infirmary.” Regina presented, continuing, “She is the main nurse I work with- or… _for_ I should say.” Regina blushed, looking away.

“A nurse!” Henry jovially repeated, eyes widening. “THE head nurse… RN or LVN?” He asked with a suspicious squint to his eyes.

“Dad!” Regina chastised.

“Henry really!” Cora echoed her daughter. Cora addresses Emma, “Don’t pay him any mind. I have a cousin who works in the medical field… nursing assistant- no that’s not it… physician’s assistant? Anyway, she said that nurses don’t like when you ask them that, is that right?”

“Well _I’ve_ heard nurses don’t like when you mention you have family in the medical field! Isn’t that right, Ms. Swan?” Henry argued, trying to one up his wife.

Emma looked on at the family with a small smile as they spoke, her smile widening as she looked to Regina after Henry’s last question and found her looking at her parents with a mortified expression. “No sir, ma’am, really it’s all fine. I’m an RN. I think nurses should be proud to distinguish themselves, they each serve pivotal roles. As for the whole family member thing… I for one don’t mind it, it’s a small world after all.” Emma answers their questions in a professional tone and an unpretentious smile.

Henry nodded his head in a “see” matter, and a smile. Cora to smiled at the answers, but used the same elbow from before to jab Henry. He then turned to her and they began bickering in whispers. Regina felt like she was boiling alive from the embarrassment that her parents were causing. She looked to Emma to apologize when she found Emma’s gaze fixed to her neck. Regina’s hand shot up, to touch the cross Emma had given her earlier that day.

At the movement, Emma’s eyes connected with Regina’s. The expression of awe transforming into a warm smile with blushing cheeks. Regina found the blushing made Emma look even more… perfect. She answered Emma’s warm smile with one of her own. Emma looked from her, to her parents, having realized the bickering had ended before Regina noticed. “So…” Emma spoke up, looking at the smiling parents that faced her, “you all have a long drive ahead of you?”. Emma inquired.

Henry happily answered, “Not too bad, about 30 minutes if the traffic and weather are just right.”

“Wow, I just have to walk across the grounds to get home myself.” Emma laughs. “Well, I’ll get out of your way so you folks can get going. Be careful, it was so nice meeting you both.” Emma stepped forward again, shaking their hands goodbye as they both expressed the same sentiment.

Henry grabbed the suitcase he had rested to his side, and Cora grabbed his arm as they continued their walk to the car park. Regina looked to offer Emma a goodbye nod when she noticed Emma making wide/crazy eyes at her. Regina got the hint, stepping off to the side of the walkway and letting her parents walk off. She figured they had a good minute before her parents notice she’s not behind them. “Emma?” She inquires.

“I forgot to give you this earlier.” Emma said, opening the small clutch and pulling out a small piece of paper. Regina watched her, becoming lost in her beauty. She leaned a little closer so Emma could hear her. “Emma, you look amazing.” She whispered before snapping back in place.

Emma looked up, with a surprised but pleased dimpled smile. “Thanks.” She simply says, although Regina notices the blush returning. Emma held out the paper to her.

Regina quickly grabbed it, going to open it before Emma closed her hand around hers which was holding the note. “Your parents.” She reminded her with a squeeze before she quickly removed her hand.

Right, she needed to get back to them before they were lost in the sea of people and cars. They parted ways with smiles and nods. Both silently understanding a hug goodbye wouldn’t be feasible this time. Regina found her parents only a couple of yards away from where they had been. They hadn’t even noticed her absence as she slotted in behind them and made their way to the car.

Finally packed up and sitting in the back seat, Regina was able to reach for the note she had stuffed in her pocket. Regina looked down, unfolding the small paper that had been slipped into her hand. Written in Emma’s small, messy handwriting was an email address.

**_ESwanRN@gmail.com- If you want to talk about anything/everything. Keep in touch! :)_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a lot of people skip these little notes (if some comments are any indication) but for those who don’t, just a heads up. My pseud isn’t a just a random pseud, I’m actually a nurse and as you all know these are busy times. It might take a while for an update, so please don’t think this fic is abandoned. Luckily, I had this chapter basically finished and I have sleep issues so maybe updates will remain normally abnormal and I’m overreacting, but just in case.


	15. Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to those who left well-wishes, I hope you and yours are staying safe as well. All the comments and kudos are greatly appreciated.

Regina stood at the entrance to her childhood room. _Childhood_ as if she didn’t just leave only months before. Her father brushes past her desperate to get his suit off, her mother trailing after nagging him to immediately hang it up. Regina huffs amusingly and makes her way to her room.

After unpacking and dressing in her pajamas, Regina took the scrap of paper Emma had given her to the desk. She had already bid her parents a goodnight, feigning tiredness to ensure she wouldn’t be disturbed. Even though they had spent the morning together and had seen each other only an hour before, Regina was eager to make contact.

Once the laptop was powered up, instead of immediately pulling up her email, she opened google. Regina sat in front of a blinking cursor. She had made a mental to-do list, and now was the time to research. She was hoping the internet would give her more insight into herself.

The first thing she wanted to search; How to tell if you’re gay. After typing in, ‘how to tell’, the search engine autocompleted the statement to ‘how to tell if a girl likes you’. This gave Regina pause, this was a necessary topic that she hadn’t included in her initial to-do list. She clicked on the link and was transported to a page full of different websites offering their opinions. The first thing that caught her eye was a bulleted list that appeared at the top of the page.

**Signs a Girl Is Attracted to You**

  * Smiling at you.
  * Shooting short glances your way.
  * Darting her eyes away when you look at her.
  * Making prolonged eye contact with you.
  * Running fingers through her hair.
  * Licking her lips.
  * Exposing her neck.
  * Tilting her heads towards you.



Emma smiles at her a lot, Regina thinks. That doesn’t necessarily mean she’s attracted to me though does it? She thought. Emma’s just a nice person, she smiles at most people really. The next one, short glances… well she has caught Emma glancing at her multiple times but that seemed relatively normal as well. Don’t people usually look/glance at the only other person in the room occasionally. The third bullet didn’t seem to apply. When I look at her she doesn’t look away, she keeps eye contact because we are usually conversing and it would be weird if she didn’t keep the contact. Well that makes bullet number 4 promising. Emma is quite good at maintaining eye contact. I wouldn’t consider it “prolonged” … Fingers through her hair? No, Emma has her hair up in a ponytail nearly constantly. The few times her hair was down, she would brush it to lay across a certain shoulder but she wouldn’t run her fingers through it. Licking her lips?! No. Regina blushed thinking about Emma’s tongue licking her thin pink lips. Exposing her neck… no. Tilt her head… maybe? Regina was racking her brain trying to remember if/when Emma did any of these things and could barely come up with anything.

Feeling slightly dejected, Regina backtracked and was once again faced with an empty search engine. This time she completed her intended question. Regina clicked on the first website, feeling a bit overwhelmed at all the options she was again faced with. It was an article on, ‘How do you know?’. She began reading, immediately feeling reassured that she was not the only one who has found themselves in this position. When the topic of a ‘gay test’ came up Regina got excited, hoping this test would give her some answers. However, the article continued to say that a quiz would not help you figure it out. It went on to sound like a guidance counselor, “We’re are all unique” etc. The article ultimately ended with saying everything is fluid and ever-changing and labels were not necessary to be who you are. Regina clenched her teeth, somewhat aggravated. That was not helpful at all. She just wants to know.

She clicked on several other links, all of them more of the same. Finally, a statement stuck within her mind, “To feel romantic and sexual attraction to someone of the same gender qualifies as being gay, or bi if you have felt both for someone of the opposite sex at one time or the other.” While she was still hesitant to think too much on the _sexual_ aspect of it, she knew she had romantic feelings for the nurse. Their hugs felt like nothing she’s ever experienced and she reveled in them, and her mind regularly strays with thoughts of Emma’s lips on hers. Of course, she did have the sexual attraction, she was just good at catching and rerouting herself when those thoughts came up. This was it, or at least as close to an answer as she was going to get. She had romantic and sexual feelings for a woman. She had never had these feelings for a boy/man, nor anyone else for that matter. So, if everything was fluid, at this point she concluded she is a lesbian. A female interested in only females (one female). Regina let out a sigh, although it wasn’t a light-bulb moment it was something.

Regina looked at the time. It was nearing 10pm. From their conversations, Regina knew Emma rarely, if ever fell asleep before midnight. She still had time. This was after all the most important item on her to-do list. How to make a girl like you. Again, part way through typing it in, the autofill popped down with multiple options. One of the options caught her attention, it added on ‘over text’. Regina clicked on the auto-filled option, after thinking about their yet to happen correspondence. She was relieved to see a bulleted list at the top of the page once again.

**Here's how to text a girl you like:**

  1. Compliment Her. 
  2. Say Sweet Things to Her.
  3. Show her your good traits, instead of telling her.
  4. Feel free to joke with her, but stay away from inappropriate jokes.
  5. Remember things she tells **you** about herself (family, job, experiences)
  6. Don't rely only on teasing her to keep her attention.



She would need to compliment her. That would come easy enough Regina thinks. Emma is so great in so many ways, there isn’t a shortage of compliments, she just needs to voice them… type in this instance. Say sweet things? This would be scary. Compliments could be friendly enough, but sweet things, that would be more suggestive. What qualifies as sweet things? Yet another thing for Regina to google. Show her my good traits… great. Joking with her is already a steady and common aspect of their interactions. Remember things about her… Regina remembers everything Emma’s ever told her about herself. Teasing to keep her attention. How does one do that? Having come up with more questions than what was answered, Regina clicked on the article to read more. This ultimately led her into a deep dive of everything to do with conversing/interacting with a romantic interest.

Regina glanced at the time once again, just after reading how important good morning/night messages are. It was nearly 11, time to email Emma before she lost her chance for the day. She bookmarked the current page (because she would need to reread everything for retention and future use) and clicked onto her email. Regina pulled up the new message window and typed in Emma’s address.

Regina had been so focused on how to converse, she didn’t read anything on how to _start_ she realized as the blinking cursor seemed to mock her.

Regina Mills

Merry Christmas

To: Emma Swan

Hello Emma. I was surprised to see you tonight, especially because you said _nothing_ of being there! I could have saved you a seat. I know I told you, but you really looked amazing tonight. It seems that you and my parents had the same idea to dress festively. By the way, typically it’s a phone number slipped into ones’ hand, not an email address. Did you figure out you would miss me way to much?

Regina reread what she had typed out over and over again. At first it sounded flirty, then it sounded too flirty. After the 5-6th read through however, it all sounded fine. It was somewhat flirty, yet… safe. She included plenty of the things she had read about. She included Emma’s name, a compliment, flirting, and teasing. The cursor hovered over the send button, she was nervous and dreading Emma calling her out on being inappropriate. She doubted that would happen but, there was always that “what if”. Taking a deep breath and referring to a quote she had read not an hour ago, “To have what you’ve never had, you must do what you’ve never done.”. She clicked send.

Sooner rather than later she would need to able to be more forward. She only had a short time more in the program before she would ultimately have to make her leave. She would need to get as close to Emma as possible before that time came. Regina looked at her empty inbox and refreshed it. Logically she knew Emma couldn’t have possible read and formed a response to her in this amount of time but she still refreshed it. After a moment, she stood up to pace. Her nerves were getting the better of her, her heartbeat had increased and she felt overheated. Finally, after about five minutes of pacing she heard a ping from the computer indicating she had mail.

Emma Swan

Re: Merry Christmas

To: Regina Mills

Hi Regina. I was surprised to be there tonight actually. I wasn’t planning on going, but like I said, I forgot to give it to you earlier. Thank you again, I thought you looked great to. I loved seeing that you wore the necklace I got you.

The invitations did encourage festive wear actually, which explains about 80% of the peoples’ dress if you didn’t notice. It’s typically a phone number _written_ on one’s hand, and that’s only for people trying to pick someone up. I figured you probably don’t have a cell, unless your parents pay a bill for no reason since you can’t have it on the premises.

Don’t flatter yourself… just kidding yes. But, I figured we could keep up with our practically daily updates to make the break go by faster. I hope I didn’t overstep or make it weird somehow. If you’re too busy we can just catch up when you get back, it’s no big deal.

Her first read through had been quick, scanning for any indication that Emma had called her out for being flirtatious. She was upset to discover that her last question led to Emma’s last two sentences. She was rereading Emma’s response slowly, to gather her thoughts for a reply. She was touched that Emma said she looked great, even though she was just in her uniform. Emma’s use of words expressing her feelings for her wearing the necklace was also encouraging. She felt tingles at the barely there possessiveness she read (that admittedly she could be misinterpreting).

Reading through, she looked for things she learned about in that flirting article in Emma’s email. She noted that Emma to used her name. She also complimented her, but that was in response to her own compliment. Was she just being polite in a “you to” matter or did she really mean it? Regina was a little disgruntled when Emma implied she wasn’t trying to “pick someone up” with her offering of contact info. Of course, it did make sense why she didn’t give her phone number, she would have had to use one of her parents’ phones considering she did not have one of her own.

Her next email would need to begin with letting Emma know she welcomed and was thankful for her initiative on the matter. She had been distressed since the beginning of the month about this time apart, and the thought of keeping in contact did placate those feelings. She had been surprised she didn’t think about asking Emma for her email or phone number herself. 

After addressing all of Emma’s points, she was struggling to come up with something to fuel the conversation. She had read how important it was to not ask yes or no questions. She needed to pick an interesting topic that would allow her to learn more about Emma. She also needed to be sure to include something flirtatious, she reminded herself. AND she needed to “sell herself” to Emma somehow… trying to get someone to have feelings for you is hard.

RM:

_Emma, you absolutely did not overstep in any way. I’m surprised I didn’t think about it myself honestly. Your right, it will make the break go by way faster, easier to. I did not notice anyone else wearing Christmas themed clothes, I didn’t realize invitations were sent out my parents didn’t say. Your right, I do not have a phone, good call on the whole email thing._

_I look forward to talking everyday but I fear you will get bored. We don’t have any plans for the holiday, I’ll most likely be stuck in the house 24/7 unless my parents decide to have a meal out. It’s a small town so there’s not much to do but eat and shop. What are your plans for Christmas, are you going home?_

_Also, do you mind telling me which nursing school you attended? I plan on using this break to do as much research as possible. Ideally, I will have an apartment and a seat in a program waiting for me, before announcing my leave. Any information would be helpful. I think you are a great nurse, and you have honestly been one of the main reasons I am so interested in nursing. I hope this doesn’t give you a big head…_

There. A little flirting, a little teasing, a couple of questions, compliments, and letting her know she has goals. Send. Instead of panic pacing, Regina chose to click back onto the articles she had been reading to gain more insight into flirting/ winning someone over. After about 10 minutes the new email notification sounded.

ES:

_Well that’s good. I had had a fleeting thought that maybe asking to keep in touch would be weird, but we’re friends so I figured it was ok. I can guarantee you I will not get bored. If there’s no new update you can always talk about your most embarrassing moments or your favorite things (embarrassing please)._

_I am going home, I got the on-call to cover me so I’ll be able to be home for a couple of days. My parents are excited considering I haven’t been home for Christmas in a couple of years._

_For sure, I will help you anyway I can every step of the way. My program was actually shut down, they couldn’t hold on to instructors. But, I will gladly do a bit of research and ask around to see what the best options are right now. Were you planning on staying around the area? You absolutely gave me a big head, I am great aren’t I? Totally just kidding, thank you, you made me blush ._ 😳

Regina couldn’t help the smile that broke out over her face at reading Emma’s words. Although she had noticed Emma’s blushing multiple times, it was odd hearing her own up to it. She had heard of and seen emoji’s, but had only ever used the laughing and eye-roll ones when texting her father from her mother’s phone. She made a mental note to search how to bring up the emoji menu on the computer. It was promising that Emma offered up a couple of topics of interest to continue their conversations. It must mean she wants to hear from her no matter what, about anything. It was touching that Emma said she would help her anyway she could. She tried to find anything flirtatious in Emma’s email but everything the nurse wrote sounded playful at best.

The next hour consisted of several more emails between the two. Regina continued to push herself to flirt while informing Emma of her current plans. Emma responded with either playing off her compliments or ignoring her risqué comments completely (risqué for Regina). Regina would have been more upset about it if she didn’t know that Emma could be clueless face to face much less via text.

It was a little past midnight when Emma’s latest email ended with her hinting that she was getting sleepy. Regina was wide awake, it seemed that talking through the computer had given her confidence. Openly conversing with Emma in a way that attempts to elude to more than friendship, gave her a rush.

She constructed a goodnight email to include everything she had read about concerning the matter. She bid Emma a goodnight, while eluding to the fact that her day was so filled with her that she would most likely end up dreaming of her.

Emma wished her a goodnight, saying that if she does dream of her she hopes it’s a good one. Regina noticed the little green dot next to Emma’s name disappearing indicating the nurse had logged off. Regina was smiling, hoping Emma was right and she did have a good dream about her tonight.

With thoughts on what a good dream about Emma would entail, Regina was reminded she had the internet at her disposal. Now would be the time to do a bit of research that would be best done under the cloak of darkness, rather than in broad daylight when her parents could interrupt her. She pulled up the search bar and typed in the question that had been in and out of her mind since she realized her feelings for the nurse; How to make love to a woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little help please? My goal is for Regina to come across as innocent yet demanding/possessive/jealous (aka a little unhinged). Is that coming across at all so far?


	16. Still Break

Romantic sex. Rough sex. Slow sex. Fast sex. Oral sex. Vaginal sex. Anal sex. Non-penetrative sex. Hand sex. Dry sex. Sex, sex, sex. Regina was stunned at all the options that popped up on the screen. She had no idea there were so many types and ways of having sex. However, all the links had titles that indicated it was information solely for men to please their women. Figuring she needed to be a bit more specific in her search, she pressed the back-page and rephrased her question to search for information aimed for women.

The first article that caught her eye began by saying the safe bet is to “do unto your lover as you would do unto yourself”. The handful of times she had… handled herself, had been what she now considered to be rudimentary at best. She had laid on her stomach fully clothed in her pajamas and grinded against her hand until that pleasurable feeling had overcame her.

The thought of allowing Emma to grind herself against her in such a way was overwhelming. She couldn’t conceive it. Yet, her imagination was certainly making great efforts to. She could allow her mind to run wild with thoughts of kissing/ touching Emma, but once it got to “doing the deed” she would falter. She was determined to learn as much as she could.

After reading through a few articles that provided written instruction on how to pleasure a female, she decided it was time for visual instruction. She pulled a set of earphones from the desk drawer and ensured they were properly connected to the computer. She typed in the word “porn” into the search engine, and clicked on the first option that popped up.

Dozens of small frames filled with naked women and men crowded her screen. She had read how unrealistic lesbian porn was, and searched for the porn sites search bar. In the bar she typed in, “homemade lesbian sex”. She had learned that homemade/ amateur videos would be the most realistic in regards of what to expect.

Now the dozens of frames that filled her screen were filled with women only. Regina once again ensured her headphones were properly connected to the computer, before clicking on the first video in the line-up. The video began with a girl shakily setting up the camera facing a bed where another girl laid fully clothed waiting for her.

The girls took a few more seconds, ensuring the camera was in a proper position. Regina watched on, her heart rate increasing as the girls made themselves comfortable and began to make out. She could hear the sounds their kissing produced, recalling how an article did warn that sex involved a lot of odd sounds. The girl that was on top began to undress the other. The other was focused on kissing, barely helping in her own undressing.

Regina took note on the order in which the articles were removed. Shirt, bra, pants, lastly the underwear. Although the newly naked girl tugged at the clothed one’s shirt, the clothed one kissed her way down out of reach. Regina leaned closer towards the screen, watching as the girl took up a position between the naked one’s legs.

She watched closely as the girl lowered her mouth, the camera set up not allowing for a great visual. The only way she could tell contact was made was from the moans the naked one let out. Regina found it to be… anticlimactic. She watched the video in its entirety, learning a few things but not as much as she would have thought. One thing she noted was that she surprising liked when the naked girl started lowly cursing as she was approaching the end of the video. The video concluded with her orgasm, and the clothed one kissing her thighs before getting up and jogging to the camera.

Regina sat at her computer, her face inches away from the screen, unmoving. Her eyes were wide, she had never seen a sexual act before. Although it wasn’t as… exciting? as she expected, it was something. She went back to the initial page and instead of clicking on the very next one, she took the time to read the titles to choose one that appealed to her.

She spent the rest of the night watching videos that ranged from ones similar to that first one, to ones that got a bit physical/ raunchy. She stopped a video midway through in abhorrence once the lovers began to spit in each other’s mouths and slap one another. She was not a fan of that. Several videos were rather intriguing, and educational. At one point, she had pulled up notes on the laptop to type up tips/tricks she found noteworthy. Some videos succeeded in turning her on, she discovered as evidenced by wetness between her thighs when she shifted in her seat.

She correlates the proof of her arousal to the endings of most of the videos. She found that she looked forward to the women announcing their impending orgasms, especially when they stated their cum was for the other. The last video she saw, the woman’s exact words were, “Keep your mouth there, I’m gonna cum for you. I’m gonna cum in your mouth!”. At the conclusion of that video, Regina’s eyes were heavy lidded and she had begun to rub her legs together.

She very much so wanted to touch herself, to relieve the ache she was currently experiencing. Because that’s what it had turned into, it was nearing painful levels. She glanced from her screen to the alarm clock at her bedside and before she could even read the time she noticed that daylight was breaking through. It was about to be 6 o’clock. That realization brought Regina away from her current predicament and focused her on another. She had spent the entire night and early morning on the computer. Her parents would most likely start moving around soon, beginning their day.

She had hoped she would be able to hop into bed to relieve herself of her… recent findings, but she couldn’t do that now. Even though the door was locked, it would be bizarre to make herself feel such things when she could hear her parents stirring about. Rubbing her eyes, she removed her earphones and stepped away from the computer quietly. She then stretched out the aches she had received from her prolonged study session and made her way to the bed. Carefully settling in, she breathed a sigh of relief at the comfort of the pillow top mattress in comparison the chair she had occupied for that past several hours.

“Regina? Is that you I hear moving around in there or the mice?” Her mother lightly whisper screams through the door.

Regina’s eyes snap open, and she huffs out an irritated breath because of course this would happen. “It’s me, I’m just… switching the sides of the pillow. I’m not up yet.” She hopes the explanation will suffice.

“Nonsense Regina, since your up, stay up. Can’t sleep the day away just because your away from school. Come on, come help me with breakfast.

This is unbelievable, Regina thought. She couldn’t go out there and make breakfast looking the way she currently did. Her mother would take one look at her and be able to tell she hadn’t slept a wink that night. Then, questions regarding what she had been doing all night would undoubtedly follow up. Plus, her body was still feeling… flushed, amongst other things.

“Regina? Don’t act like you fell asleep again that fast!” Cora continues.

“FINE! I’m up! I’m taking a shower first though.” Regina grumbles out as she kicks the covers off her and begins to make her way to the bathroom.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The day with her parents had been productive, but brutal. They had gone shopping, both for clothes and food. She didn’t really feel all that tired for it being her first all- nighter though. She contributed her wakefulness to the sun being so bright, which caused her eyes to be the only problem. She blinked more than usual, finding that if she didn’t her eyes would begin to feel like they would burn right out of her skull.

Her parents didn’t make any remarks on her looks, or quiet demeanor. She was quiet, and the day was brutal because she couldn’t get certain images out of her head. She supposes that spending hours looking at naked women would make them prevalent in her mind even when not in front of a screen. She swears that she can see breasts, kissing lips, or legs every time she blinks.

Finally, after having dinner and watching the evening news with them, her parents relent to her retiring to her room. Regina locks the door and makes her way to the bed, once again sighing in relief at the comfort it provides. Before she can drift off however, she is reminded of an earlier worry she had experienced while out with her parents. Emma. She had been walking around the town’s only clothing supplier when she had happened upon a display of scrubs. She hadn’t recalled that display ever being there, but then she began to wonder if it had always been there, it’s only now that she notices it.

Although she was somewhat reluctant to do so due to her fatigue, Regina once again nudged off the covers and got out of bed. She made her way to the desk and powered up the computer, wondering if Emma had messaged her. If she hadn’t Regina was determined to message her, not willing to let a day go by without some sort of contact with the nurse. Regina instantly broke out into a smile at seeing that she had a couple of messages awaiting her from Emma.

Emma Swan

Dreams

To: Regina Mills

_Good morning Regina, hope you slept well on your first night back at home. Well, did you dream of me?_

ES:

_I forget that even though emails are like texts, there not for people who don’t have phones… wonder when you’ll get these. It’s like writing letters and posting them in the mail._ _😩_

Regina looked at the email’s timestamps and was upset to discover that Emma’s first message was sent at 9 that morning, her latest message at noon. Emma had apparently given up after sending that last message, realizing she wouldn’t be getting a response until Regina powered up her computer again. Regina huffed in annoyance at herself for not thinking to pop in and check her messages sooner. The reminder that Emma had messaged her first thing in the morning had brought her out of her annoyance however. That was a good sign that Emma left her a good morning message, or so she had read.

RM:

_Emma I’m so sorry it’s taken so long for me to get back to you! Your right, it probably would have been faster if you had just mailed me a letter, ha. Good morning to you to, or should I say good night now considering the time? My parents had me occupied the entire day, I only just now got away and remembered to check my computer to see if you had been in contact. I’m glad I did. How has your day been? Oh, and sadly no, I didn’t dream about you. I didn’t dream at all, I actually haven’t slept._

Considering the green dot indicating the nurse is online was present, Regina stayed on the messaging screen knowing Emma’s response shouldn’t take long. While waiting, she had time to reflect more on what she had been researching throughout the previous night. She could feel her heart rate increasing imagining kissing Emma the way couples had been kissing on those videos. The kissing she had witnessed in Lifetime movies is worlds away from the kissing she had discovered last night. Right when she had begun to wonder what sounds Emma makes while kissing, her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a new message.

ES:

_Regina! You know how important sleep is, why weren’t you able to? I hope you’re not stressing to much about your future plans. No need to apologize, I figured as much. Lol, that sounds like fun? What did they have you occupied with all day? I’m glad you did to. My day has been great, catching up with the folks and catching up on some reading. Pretty boring day, I realize now that I’m typing it out…_

Regina couldn’t help the smirk that now spread across her face. Wouldn’t Emma like to know how she spent her night. Shaking her head, she reminded herself that she could be completely wrong about the subtle hints she picks up off Emma sometimes. Emma was probably just genuinely curious on why she couldn’t/ didn’t sleep. Of course she didn’t plan on telling Emma the exact reason she was up all night, but she could elude to it. Emma would have no idea of the real reason.

RM:

_I know sleep is important, it’s not that I wasn’t able to, I was just… busy. It did have a lot to do with my future plans actually. Just doing as much research as I can really. The day with my parents wouldn’t be what I call fun, but it was nice to spend time with them. We just did some shopping, and watched a couple of movies along with the news between meals. Your day doesn’t sound boring, it sounds like it was similar to mine. What are you reading?_

Regina was proud of herself for telling Emma the truth in a roundabout way. And tonight, she felt more… experienced. She thinks all her previous readings and viewings have really given her insight on how to converse and ultimately woo the nurse. Emma was a grown woman after all, with experience (Regina begrudgingly admits to herself). She had to eventually pick up on Regina’s comments, wouldn’t she?

This will be a lot easier once they are back in each other’s company, Regina thinks. Once back with Emma, she would be able to put some more evidence based practice to the test. Practices such as getting into the other’s personal space, innocently touching more and more, maintaining eye contact as often, and for as long as possible.

Another message from Emma arrives, and they continue back and forth much like the previous night. Two hours later, Regina was reminded that she hadn’t slept when her yawns were becoming more and more frequent. Although she was reluctant to stop messaging Emma, she was exhausted. Their latest conversation had been about if they thought aliens were real or not. Blaming her sleepiness, she bid Emma a good night and sweet dreams. She ended the email stating hopefully now she would get the chance to dream of her.

Emma responded with a good night of her own, and played off her last comment by stating she was more likely to dream of aliens tonight. Regina scoffed and rolled her eyes, before signing off and shutting down the computer. She had briefly considered picking up where she left off on her research, but she was really tired.

After getting ready for bed, Regina settled in immediately. However, sleep wasn’t coming over her as fast as she had anticipated. Now that she was actually in bed and ready to sleep, her mind was crystal clear and it felt like she had energy. Sighing, she tossed and turned knowing she didn’t have energy and needed sleep.

Looking at the clock, Regina realized it had been nearly 30 minutes of shut eyes and counting sheep to no avail. Conceding that counting would get her nowhere, her thoughts went to last night’s videos. It was funny she thought, that months ago such videos would have disgusted her. Now however, they intrigue her.

Her thoughts began to stray into fantasies. Fantasies of her and Emma finding themselves in many of the same situations/ positions as the women from last night’s search. Regina began to feel overheated under her blankets. The thought of Emma kissing her all over, quickening her pulse.

Her parents had gone to bed over an hour ago, she had heard them when she was messaging with Emma. They should be pretty deep into sleep by this time, she reasoned. She had become to excited from her thoughts, and in order to get some sleep, she needed relief. Regina slid down the bed and flipped from her back, to her belly.

She cupped herself with her right hand and closed her eyes. The last video she had seen popped up into her mind. Instead of the actresses however, it was Emma and herself. Emma laying along the bed while Regina sat at the headboard. Emma’s head between her legs, kissing her most intimate area. Her hands in Emma’s hair, guiding her where she needed her most.

She hadn’t realized her cupped hand was moving against her until she found herself already on the edge. Her breathing was erratic, but still quiet. Hearing herself brought her back from the edge, although her hand didn’t stop moving. Regina paused her fantasy, instead focusing on her hand and the movements her body was making. The only times she had succumbed to this, it had been this way. Her hand over her nightclothes. She wondered what touching herself without any barriers would feel like. She determined that now was the time to find out, it would also provide her with the experience of the feel of flesh rather than pajamas.

Dipping her hand underneath her undergarments, Regina was met with wetness. It wasn’t an abundant amount like this mornings, but it was there. Regina hissed as her fingers accidently slid into the lips. Apart from cleaning herself, she had never ventured past those lips. Especially not when… aroused. She began to feel apprehensive at this, this was uncharted waters. Plus, she had been so close already.

After a moment’s thought, Regina decided tonight, in her parents’ house and in her childhood room, she would not venture into this new phase. Instead she positioned her hand to cup herself again and began the familiar movements. It did feel different she noticed. Although it was interesting to feel herself in this way, she had to admit it felt better with pants between her hands and her… self. She supposed it had to do with friction. Her wetness was being transferred to her palm, making friction nearly nonexistent unless she pressed harder.

“Harder, right there! I’m gonna cum!” Regina was reminded of a scene from last night. Her movements quickened at the reminder. She replayed that scene in her head, this time imagining Emma saying such things. It didn’t match up. Emma wouldn’t be the one saying that while she was currently in between Regina’s legs, licking her into oblivion. Yet, that was how Regina found herself once again at the edge. With thoughts of Emma pleasuring her, while somehow hearing Emma’s voice announcing she would soon cum for her.

Regina’s hand was working in a frenzy, her eye clinched tight, little moans making themselves heard in the dead quiet of the night. Becoming conscious of the noise, she began to rub her legs against the sheets. It was a habit she had since she was a child, and she hoped if any noise was heard from her room, it was that.

Regina was about to tip over the edge. Already, she was feeling much more things than she ever had, when she had done this in the past. Fleetingly, fear came over her at what would happen once she tipped over. Fearing she would uncontrollably cry out, she turned her head into her pillow and bit down. An obtrusive image of her pillow being Emma’s shoulder made it’s way into her mind. Her legs clenched around her hand as pleasure overcame her. Biting down harder, Regina grunted out her release. Her eyes were clinched shut, while images of Emma’s face, smile, hair, lips all flashed before her. She had made herself feel good in the past, but now she felt, indescribable. It was as if she was crying, sneezing, and laughing all at the same time and all for Emma.

Regina hadn’t moved her hand from in between her clenched legs as she let her breathing return to normal. Once she had calmed down, she relaxed her legs and pulled her hand out from beneath her. As she shifted, she noticed that her body was now covered in a light sheen of sweat. She also noticed that her pillow had a damp spot where she had bit down somewhat aggressively. She turned on her back, nudging the covers down so her over heated body could cool.

As the breeze from the fan hit her sweaty body, and her heart rate continued to slowly steady out, she let out a sigh. She began to fantasize about her nurse, and what it would be like to be in a post- orgasmic bliss with her. Regina could just imagine Emma being in a similar state as her. Hair disheveled, skin damp from exertion, a lazy smile on her thin pink lips. Lips that would quirk up into a smile just for Regina. “Em-ma” She breathed out into the dark empty room, with a blissed out lazy smile of her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience, I personally don’t have much. I use the filter “complete works only”. 😬  
> I didn’t think I would write a masturbation scene, hope it suffices for the sake of the story.


	17. New Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know how this chapter compares to the others please. I've read it over and over to the point that it makes no sense to me and I hate it a little.

Regina spent the rest of the holiday break between spending time with her parents and making excuses to check her computer every chance she could. Emma continued to keep her up to date on her daily goings on, while she did the same (no matter how tedious). Regina self-pleasured more this holiday break than she ever had in her life. She silently blamed Emma for giving her this newfound appetite.

It was New Year’s Eve, and the last Saturday before the program commenced. Regina had already been informed by Emma that she would be at a friend’s party to ring in the New Year. She felt bubbles of nerves in her belly when she had read of Emma’s plans. She imagined the nurse at an upscale house party, enjoying adult beverages with beautiful adults planning who’s going to kiss who for the superstitious tradition. Regina had already typed out the question “Is Dr. Lucas going to be in attendance?” before she caught herself and forcibly deleted the question.

Regina’s parents spent the day preparing their favorite traditional eats & treats, the Mills family planned to ring in the new year just the three of them over a feast in front of the TV watching the festivities. Currently Regina was in her room, reading over the last message she received from Emma which happened to have been sent only minutes before.

Emma and suggested they each provide highlights of this past year, and write what they hope the new year would bring. Regina had readily accepted her suggestion and made her list. At the top of her list was of course meeting and befriending the nurse, with her hope being they grow even closer this upcoming year. While she dared include that in her email, Regina still thought it was a vague enough answer. While she meant closer in… romantic terms, it could and probably would be understood as closer “friend wise”.

Don’t get her wrong, while she will dance around her feelings for Emma, she won’t dare be too brazen; in fear that she would scare the nurse away. Emma’s latest message had been her own list, which she finished off by saying meeting Regina had been the biggest highlight of her year. She had concluded the email by saying she was sure they would be growing closer, in this upcoming year and the following years to come.

Emma’s message made Regina extremely happy and content. To know and read that Emma held her in such a high regard. Throughout their many messages she had dreaded that maybe Emma would realize how young, inexperienced, unversed, not well travelled she was and stop wasting her time with her. Rereading Emma’s last message one last time, Regina determined that would be a good place to end the conversation thread and log off to join her parents in the holiday. Regina sent the cheesy/ annoying expression “See you next year” before turning her computer off.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The infirmary was truly a sight for sore eyes. Regina’s heart rate picked up and soared at the site of the small building alone, knowing who it held inside. She quickened her steps, trying to bite back a smile that was threatening to break across her face. She didn’t want to draw attention to herself by smiling like a lunatic while power walking towards the medical building. Forcing herself to slower her pace, Regina looked around the campus. Few people were out and about, seeing as how it was a dark, cold, wet day out.

Standing at the entrance, Regina took a moment to gather herself. Running her hands through her hair to ensure it was properly positioned, and taking a few deep breaths since her speed walking had winded her a bit. The last thing she wanted was to barge in like a crazed woman. With a steady breath, she entered an empty waiting area.

Looking around, she saw that the nurses had been barely fending for themselves regarding custodial duties. While the trashes were empty, the few magazines that were available were scattered about the room, along with a light dust which covered the end tables and coffee table.

“Regina!” Emma quietly, yet excitedly announced from her office desk chair.

Regina’s head snapped towards the hall, no longer able to contain her smile. “Emma!” She excitedly breathed out. The site of the nurse made her feel… unexplainable. If she tried to explain it, oddly it felt like she was home. As she moved to make her way down the hall, Emma quickly stood and rounded her desk to meet her.

The two women met in the hallway. Both looking into each other’s eyes as if they couldn’t believe or didn’t know this reunion would come. After a moment of just standing there, they both simultaneously embraced each other.

Emma was holding her as she usually did during their hugs. Having missed the blonde as much as she did (and the way she had been torturing herself with thoughts of the nurse’s body) Regina stepped more into the hug than usual. Regina tightened her hold as well. Also, instead of angling her face outwards towards her shoulder like Emma was doing, she nuzzled into the crook of Emma’s neck.

When the tip of her nose made contact with the warm, soft skin of Emma’s neck, Regina noticed the nurse stiffen in her arms. Clearing her throat, Emma attempted to gently withdraw herself from Regina’s hold. Wanting to prolong the hug however, Regina did not follow her lead. She kept her hold, with a quick squeeze for good measure. She was not about to let Emma get out of this so quickly, they had spent so long apart… she needed this.

Emma took the hint and (thankfully) resumed the embrace. Moments passed until Regina finally felt content enough to let the nurse out of her hold.

“I take it you missed me?” Emma asked with a surprisingly cocky smirk.

“As if I didn’t tell you every day of the break that I missed you.” Regina answered with an eye roll while tugging off her outer coat.

“I missed you to… this place was a ghost town.” Emma said while walking back to her chair to take a seat. “It seems that when it’s busy, I wish everyone was gone. When everyone is gone, I wish it was busy.” Emma mused with a scoff.

Regina hung up her coat on the rack before taking her seat across from Emma’s desk. “So… why have you been ghosting me this year?” She asked with a quirked brow.

Emma let out a laugh, “I haven’t “ghosted” you. To ghost you I would have stopped replying with no reason. I told you “Happy New Years, talk to you next year, see you on Monday.”.

“I thought by “next year” you meant the following day, like most people do.” Regina sarcastically replied. “I checked like every two hours for the past couple of days to see if you were online.”

Emma sat up in her chair, her smirk turning serious. “Oh…”

“And then I finally get a message notification late last night, of you telling me to come straight here as soon as I arrive.” Regina finished. She had begun speaking in a teasing matter, but by the end here tone was serious and a little pissed. She had genuinely been upset that Emma hadn’t messaged her, yet demanded her presence.

“Oh, wow Regina… I’m sorry. If you have somewhere to be, you should go. Really, I just wanted to see you in person and talk as soon as we could.” Emma finished, her volume close to a whisper by the end of her sentence.

Regina began to panic and berate herself for saying anything in the first place. Having Emma sitting across from her, looking like a kicked puppy, was unnerving. She really was not upset in the least at Emma’s request to see her. It was only the sudden absence of frequent messaging that disappointed her. Wanting to fix Emma’s face, and feel her again, Regina quickly stood from her chair. Emma’s eyes widened thinking Regina was actually leaving, and she quickly stood as well. Before she could blink, Regina had stepped around the desk in between them and pulled Emma into another hug. With her face again nuzzled into the crook of Emma’s neck Regina placated, “I don’t have anywhere to be… I just didn’t like going so long without talking. I thought maybe…”

“You thought what?” Emma asked, her arms immediately wrapping around Regina.

“I thought, you were distancing yourself. Getting ready to be back here. That things will go back to the way they were… us only talking while I’m working. I don’t want that.” Regina says with her eyes shut. This felt surreal, here she was in Emma’s arms telling her what she is feeling. Her heart was beating away, she didn’t know herself how much she would tell Emma at this moment.

Emma moved to step back, causing Regina to once again nuzzle closer into her neck. At this, Emma stopped her movement and sighed. “Regina.”

“Hmm.” Regina responded.

“Please let go of me.” Emma asked with a somber tone, her own arms going slack from around Regina’s waist.

Regina felt like someone had just splashed cold water over her. She had gone too far, held on for too long, nuzzled in to close. Her eyes snapped open, and she gulped while she withdrew herself from Emma.

“I thought maybe… maybe I was just reading into things. Overthinking. That I was imagining…” Emma rambled, lightly shaking her head. 

“Em-” Regina attempted to interrupt.

“Regina, do you have feelings for me?” Emma firmly asked.

Regina was stunned. Stunned that Emma would be so brazen. The two standing only feet apart, looking into each other’s eyes, she had to trample down her first instinct, which was to deny. She knew she would not get anywhere if she were to lie to the nurse.

“I think you know I do.” Regina finally answered, standing up straighter, not daring to look away from Emma’s eyes.

Emma closed her eyes, and took another deep breath. “I was afraid that was what was happening.” Emma said, opening her eyes. “Your emails… meanings through text can be difficult to interpret. I picked up on the teasing and flirtatious tones, but I tried to convince myself it was all innocent. That I was misreading things... Regina, I care about you. I really do. But we can’t be anything more than friends, I hope you can understand that.

Regina’s eyes began to fill with unshed tears. “Why not?” She was trying to keep herself together, but she couldn’t help the tears or the wobble in her chin.

“It wouldn’t be right Regina. You are so much younger than me, and so… I don’t want to say naïve but. What you are feeling, it’s just a crush.” Emma explained with a small smile, reaching out to stroke Regina’s shoulder in a placating matter.

Regina felt a bolt of anger, shrugging off Emma’s hands she hissed, “Don’t tell me how or what I’m feeling. I know what my feelings are.”

Emma seemed genuinely shocked at her outburst, and took a step back.

“I’m not saying I’m in love with you (sure she is BUT she isn’t saying it) but I do have feelings for you. And if you were being honest with yourself, I mean _really_ honest, you would see you have feelings to.” Regina continued.

Emma didn’t immediately reply. Although she appeared aloof, she seemed to be considering Regina as they continued to stand in the small office. “You’re right.” Emma stated bluntly.

Regina’s eyes cleared from the tears. She looked on at Emma, shock clearly displayed on her face. Hearing Emma tell her she was right concerning the nurse’s feelings for her was elating.

“I can’t deny how much I enjoy our talks, your presence. And our hugs… I always feel like a terrible person every time because of how much I enjoy them. But-.”

“No!” Regina interrupted, stepping closer to Emma. “There doesn’t need to be a “but” Emma, and you don’t have to feel terrible. We are both two consenting adult women. I have feelings for you, and you have feelings for me.”

“But” Emma insisted, “we can’t Regina. There’s too many obstacles. I enjoy our friendship, and I hope we can put this behind us and continue to work alongside each other.”

Picking up on what Emma was trying to do, Regina decided to make a last chance plea. “Wait! Please… just wait.” Regina pleaded, not really sure where she was going with this. She just knew she had to say something before Emma dismissed her and she lost this opportunity. “You want to ignore what this is between us for now. Fine. But, please don’t start acting weird. We will continue to work together, but also, we will continue as we are. I don’t want our hugs to suddenly stop or our conversations to only be work related. Please don’t pull away Emma.”

Emma looked Regina over and nodded. “Ok. I won’t.”

“So, we are still friends?” Regina clarified. Sure, she was upset they were settling on a friendship rather than a relationship. However, as long as Emma was in her life in any capacity, she could work with that.

Emma gave her another small sad smile, and pulled her into a light embrace. “Of course, always.”

“For now.” Regina stubbornly corrected, careful not to make the friendly hug intimate like she had been doing lately.

Emma scoffed and pulled away from the hug, Regina allowing the break this time. She gave Regina a fond yet frustrated look.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Oddly enough, there will be a fair of sorts for Valentine’s day. The church benefits from having a gathering which allows for families to be involved and to safely celebrate the holiday while having fun. The money made from food booths and games is put into the church’s purses and used to help the less fortunate. The most “suggestive” booth happens to be the infirmaries. Their offering 10 second hugs for a quarter. Their booth will provide information detailing how “snuggles reduce struggles”.

When Regina saw that this was medical’s booth a sense of dread spread throughout her body. Even though there were 3 nurses, she could guess just who would be the hugger. Hint; it wouldn’t be the heavy-set middle aged married women who only smiled when it was time to clock out. No. It also wouldn’t be the new nurse that worked 1-2 days a week if she was lucky whom only a handful of people have met. Nope. It would be the young, blonde haired, green eyed, athletically lithe, supervising Nurse Swan.

Emma hadn’t said anything about it. Which Regina found odd. She would have to broach the subject herself. She felt comfortable enough voicing her problems and feelings to Emma, even though Emma still seemed too uncomfortable herself to do so. Over the past few weeks, they had grown even closer to each other. Since the admittance of their feelings, they seemed to have fallen into a sort of “friends with benefits” situation. The “benefits” aspect of it being stolen/ lingering glances, increased frequency of hugs, and seemingly innocent touches.

As she entered the infirmary she passed by the minister. He had taken to coming by at least once a day to have his blood pressure checked. They cordially greeted before she began gathering the unit’s trashes making herself busy until they were alone. Emma saw her and offered her a side smile in greeting.

Once the minister had left, Regina quickly made her way to Emma. Emma stood and waited for her to approach. Once in front of each other they shyly looked each other over before Emma stepped forward to gather Regina up in her arms. Regina wrapped her arms around Emma and snuggled close, inhaling her scent.

“How are you today?” Emma asked, still in the embrace.

“Not great.” She mumbled into Emma’s shoulder.

Emma pulled away, keeping her arms around Regina’s waist. “Well that’s not good, what’s up?”

Regina took her arms from around Emma and crossed them, but she stayed in Emma’s hold. “I’ve found out that I won’t be the only one enjoying your arms around them.” Regina huffs out, displeased.

Emma removes her arms from around Regina, keeping them to herself. She looks at Regina questioningly before a smirk slowly appeared. “It’s for charity, you know you are the only person I want to hug.” She says before attempting to go in for another embrace.

Before she could gather Regina up again, Regina stepped out of her reach. “I’m not joking”. She states, not liking how Emma has that smirk on her face and is making light of the situation.

“What do you want me to do? Tell the sisters ‘Sorry, I can’t innocently hug people for charity and educate them how physical contact can help reduce anxiety and stress because my… friend?... isn’t comfortable with that.’.

Regina’s jaw clenched. Granted they hadn’t discussed their status since the beginning of the year, but hearing Emma call her a _friend_ after their many intimate embraces did not sit right with her. “Friend.” She echoed, staring Emma down.

Emma rose a brow, upholding Regina’s glare. “Yeeees. That’s what we said, right?”

“That’s what _you_ said.” Regina petulantly replied, beginning to gnaw on her lip. They had danced around titles; Regina in fear of Emma freaking out and pulling away, Emma in fear of Regina making a mountain out of a mole hill. However, when she thought of Emma, she thought of her as her girlfriend, she wondered what Emma thought of her. “Is that all we are?” She dared to ask.

Emma took a step back, her smirk dropping. Her eyes narrowed, considering Regina. “What do you mean?” She asked warily.

“You know what I mean.” Regina calmly states maintaining eye contact.

“Regina.” Emma says exasperated, “We discussed why we should only be friends remember?”

Regina scoffed, “Did we? I don’t remember _discussing_ it. I remember _you_ telling me we couldn’t be more. I remember us calling each other friends and progressively becoming closer and closer to the point of nearly constant _innocent_ physical contact… Are you still seeing Dr. Lucas?” Regina finishes breathing heavily.

“Whoa! What? Why would you ask me that?” Emma exclaimed.

“If you really think we are just _friends_ , then you must still be seeing her when she calls.” Regina states, dreading to hear the answer. That must be true though. The Dr. was listed as booty call on Emma’s phone only weeks ago. Emma had to be getting her needs met somehow and with someone.

Emma looked genuinely confused, “Wha- who- how do you even know about Ruby?”.

“I saw your caller ID when she called. She’s not exactly subtle.” Regina answered with a tense jaw.

“You really think that I would talk to you and touch you the way I do while still sleeping with her?” Emma says obviously crestfallen, she took a few steps away from Regina.

Regina saw her facial expression and began to feel distressed that she was the one to cause it. She also noted how Emma withdrew herself from her. “Emma, I’m sorry. It’s just…” Time to put it on the line. “ _I_ think of you as more than a friend. And if you don’t see me in that way… then I just thought you must see _someone_ in that way.” Regina finished, keeping her eyes on the ground.

She heard Emma shuffle around, and saw her shoes enter her line of site. She didn’t move, keeping her head lowered, fearing that Emma would say she didn’t feel the same, that this all just got way out of hand. Warm hands cupped her cheeks and pulled her head, causing her to look up. Emma stood in front of her with a pleased smile and a soft expression, with her soft hands still gripping her jaw/cheeks. This intimate hold caused Regina’s heartbeat to speed up.

“Listen to me, because I’m only going to say this once.” Emma began causing puzzlement in Regina. “Dr. Lucas is just a friend. It is true that in the past we would… copulate.” Regina flinches at this. “However, we both understood that our times together were out of loneliness… no feelings were _ever_ involved. But that has ended, she understands and respects that I am… involved.” Emma finishes, having begun to stroke her thumbs along Regina cheekbones in the middle of her rationalization.

Regina leaned into her hold, feeling securer in Emma’s hands, “You told her you were involved?” she shyly questioned.

“Not in so many words but she understands I’m not available for her in that way anymore, she called not too long ago. Since I had never said no to her, she really dug for a reason. I told her I was talking to someone and it wouldn’t be right. She was disappointed I wouldn’t go more into it, but she understood and even said she was happy for me. You seriously have nothing to worry about when it comes to her.”

“Do I have something to worry about when it comes to others?” Regina inquired.

“No. There is no one else and I do not have a girlfriend, including you.” Emma insisted.

Regina huffed. “Well then I don’t understand why you still want to keep up this “friends” business. We both obviously consider each other to be more than that.”

“My main reservation is that you are still enrolled here. If anyone here discovered we are… involved, I could get in serious trouble. I could get fired. Or, you could change your mind and decide to finish the program.” Emma attempted to reason.

“They would not fire you! You aren’t a faculty member or anything like that, and I’m not some underage school girl. I’m 18 and you are a nurse who just happens to work here.” Regina attempted to persuade Emma. “Besides, it’s not like we are going to wear matching T-shirts that say “That’s my girlfriend”, nobody has to know but us.

Emma looked on at Regina during this whole spiel, taking a deep breath, she let it out in a defeated matter. “Regina…”

“Emma.” Regina murmured.

“Regina.” She sighed.

Regina stepped closer, their noses almost brushing. “Please.” She pleaded, almost painfully, looking up into Emma’s eyes.

Emma breathed her in, her nostrils flaring with the scent and warmth of Regina so close to her. “We shouldn’t.” She choked out through clenched teeth, struggling to contain herself.

“We should… I want to be more than just your friend Emma. I need this, you… don’t you want me?” Regina breathily demanded, inching closer.

Emma grabbed her by the shoulders, causing Regina’s breath to hitch in anticipation. Instead of pulling her closer however, she pushed her away. Keeping her hands on her shoulders, at arm’s length Emma looked deeply in her eyes. “It doesn’t matter what I want! You are 18 Regina, you may think you know everything but you don’t. If you want to leave, that is your decision. If you want to… pursue this lifestyle… that is your choice. But… I- I don’t want to be the reason you look back, and regret not following the path you set out to. What I feel isn -”

Regina interrupted, “Feel? Tell me. How do you feel?” she implored, placing her hands on Emma’s arms. Emma’s eyes enlarged, having realized she said too much. She opened her mouth to retract what she said most likely, but before she could ruin the moment, Regina grabbed her by the collar. She pulled her forwards, Emma’s arms dropping from her shoulders to encircle her waist. Regina crashed her mouth against Emma’s, their lips melding into each other. Regina could feel through their joined lips the moment Emma let go, and gave herself over to her. Mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looking at a patient's phone list and seeing her mother’s name is Regina.   
> Me: How old is your mom?   
> Her: About 35, why?   
> Me: That seems like an old name, that’s all.   
> Her: That’s not her name. Well it is, she had it legally changed a few years ago to that, it’s from a TV show we use to watch, what was it called... oh yeah, Once Upon a Time.   
> Me: *Jim Halpert camera look* (google if you don't know the face)


End file.
